Entry #1 = Trying to quit drinking & figure out my love life

Well I’m not 100% sure how to start a journal but here goes. Recently I broke up with my boyfriend due to too much drinking and not enough working :/ . I hadnt fallen out of love with him, but I fear I may have now. He never really tried…only when he felt he absolutely had to, and shortly after the breakup he started coming back over and eating here and not giving me my space…not offering any money to chip in, which is why we broke up in the first place….but always money for alcohol. Well when you have children and are on income assistance it’s hard to support yet another person. I honestly just wanted to be on my own for a little while…but started talking to my friend…a love from ages ago…I still want to be alone, and he has lots going on in his life right now, so we are just friends…I know he wants more, but I don’t know if I do 🙁 . And I honestly don’t know how to talk to him about that without hurting his feelings. So I guess we will just see where things go…I think the main thing that does somewhat attract me to him now is he has a job…is bad with money yes, but has a job. He also gives me my space whereas the original boyfriend I broke up with still constantly tries to find reasons to be here. The worst part is I don’t believe it’s because he loves me, but because he’s bored and is realizing how hard life is without somewhere to live for free and somebody to cook for you and take care of you. I still have his dog :/ and now have been sucked in to doing up a resume for him. But I want the best for him I really do. But he hasn’t and seems to be unwilling to give me the space I ask for and need to figure it all out. Plus he might have the chance for a job in another province because of a friend so he is trying to quit marijuana, and in turn has increased his already crazy drinking. Maybe if he gets the job I will have a chance for my space and be able to sort out my head. No wonder why it hurts sometimes :s . On top of ALL of that I’ve been trying to quit, or at least slow down on my wine drinking. I dont do it every day, and I don’t get fall down drunk. But I DO rely on it when I’m feeling frustrated or down, which is a bad thing. Today is day 2 of being super stressed out though and I have had a glass at all. I hope I can keep going! And I hope I can figure out about the guys :/. Did I mention I’m ALSO trying to eat healthier to lose at least 80 pounds? Yeah…fun times going down over here! But I’ve been trying to get out more with my kids as the weather heats up 🙂 Well this may or may not be my only entry of today, I thought to start this a little late and my child is up from their nap now. Ciao my luvs! <3 

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