Lies I Tell Myself

1. I’m not lonely

2. I’m gonna be okay

3. I’m okay enough to do this

4. I have strong faith

5. I’m a good person

6. I’m selfless

The truth is, I started feeling truly alone in 5th grade. 11 years later and I still feel the same. My few friends are flaky and problem ridden as well, so they have themselves to care for, understandably. I’ve been living with depression since about the same time I began feeling and overwhelming sense of loneliness. I’ve told myself the future is brighter & there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. But really is there? I feel like I’m failing and that I’m weighing others down. My faith is weak and I don’t know what to believe right now. As I type this a gospel song comes to mind, it goes

” I want to believe but I’m having a hard time seeing past what  I see right now. I want to be free but when I try to fly I realize I don’t know how. Someone show me how. ” the chorus goes ” help me believe can I believe  let me believe I want to believe” 

I would listen to song back in high school and I can’t help but feel like I go 10 steps forward just end up back where I started. I’m crying and screaming the same song. Am I hopeless? 

I’m mean. I’m petty. I’m antisocial. I often say I don’t like people. Easily annoyed. Pessimistic. I’m catty. Why? Idk. I can be sweet but idk why I’m like this with most females. My friendships are usually short lived. 

Everything is about me. 

What the hell is wrong with me? 

One thought on “Lies I Tell Myself”

  1. You just need to find your true self, it will happen when you least expect it. I know very well how you feel for I’ve felt the same..I wish great things for you 🙂

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