Tuesday March 28th

No word on the DOE job. No word from any job prospect. I’m just sitting here, not earning any income. My mind is moving in a million directions. I don’t know what I should do. I am completely alone in the world. I have no one to go to- truly no one. I should have gone to that ACOA meeting last night. I didn’t think about it until 7pm and it started at 6. I guess I need to look at the schedule again and find the next one and try to go to it. I want to try to at least do a little something each day this week- something. Yesterday I went to the diner they used for the exterior shots of Monk’s on Seinfeld. That was something that I wanted to do/see. I am thinking about going to the Met today. I literally have nothing to do, and I think I can get in free with my IDNYC. If not, you can pay what you want there, so I could get in cheap. I also thought I might go to The Book of Mormon ticket lottery. If you get picked, you can get a seat for $32. 

I beat myself up all day, every day about every mistake I’ve ever made in my entire life. No joke. I can list my mistakes from about 8th grade on. I don’t know how to stop doing that. I know that I desperately need to stop doing that, but I just don’t know how. I feel like I would need to have amnesia in order to put it out of my head. That constant wrestling with my past makes me think I can’t ever be normal or happy. It’s what makes me think I will be just like I am now until I die- alone and miserable- hating myself every day for every mistake I’ve ever made. 

One thought on “Tuesday March 28th”

  1. If you lose don’t lose the lesson,the bigger the loss the better the lesson,if we run out of lessons life would begin to get dull ,it’s a full time job finding a job .don’t consider yourself unemployed.let God worry about your basic needs.he feeds the birds,how much more important are you than the birds.

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