Wishing

Have you ever thought about your life and wished things would be different?  Or go back in time and change some things around. 
Man, lately I have wished I wouldn’t have been so stupid in high school with not giving a damn about grades, going to the prom or taking my ACT. Yeah. I wish I could go back and actually care. 
I was a typical ‘goth’ kid back in the day. Though, I did very well in English and Art class. Of course, you wouldn’t be able to tell I was good in English because I’m not using the correct punctuation and grammar or whatever. Math, science, foreign language classes and History class (other than ‘the wild west’ section) I failed miserably at. I’m surprised I ever graduated.  Like I said, I didn’t care at all. 
But when I think back I wish I would have.  I wish I would have went to prom with my boyfriend, at the time. Fuck. I wish I would have taken my ACT. Whatever. Not like I ended up needing it. 
With the job I have, I get by. I live paycheck to pay check basically, but I get by.  This job got me through many of my husbands job losses or when he quit to go back to school to be a cop. I paid to keep living, So I can’t say my job is horrible. It’s the only place in town that really pays well.  I don’t think I would have ever moved to find a better one.
Though, back to wishing about the past. I wish I would have went to school to become a veterinarian. I would probably make what I make now anyways, but at least it would have been doing what I would have wanted. Anything to do with animals would be my dream job. 
Hm. Whatever though. You can’t change the past.  I am happy where I am at for now. Married with no kids, which is how I like it. I don’t enjoy kids.  I don’t. I helped raise my niece and nephew and it has completely turned me off from having my own.  Though I would never be like my sister and pawn off my kids to anyone so I could go get drunk 24/7.  She literally didn’t start keeping her kids around until my nephew was about 14, so he could watch my niece. Speaking of my nephew….I wish that dumbass would just stop being a dumbass. 
Yeah, he started down the wrong road while he was in high school. Whatever. Then he started slashing peoples tires and got a slap on the wrist from the judge from that. Did some other shit and went to jail for a month. He’s been to jail a few times now and he’s only going to be 22 in June. Mostly pot related, or not paying fines…especially for the time he beat the shit out of his ex. He didn’t pay those fines because she was a psycho, and wouldn’t let him go to work ever to pay it off. Apparently the fines were more important to him than her and she had a tantrum about it, so he didn’t pay them. So he’s wanted in a few states for not paying fines.  He’s sitting in a profit jail right now in Oklahoma. He got pulled over for speeding and the cop happened to have a drug dog with them. Sooooo every day that he’s there, he is charge $35 a day.  It’s also a jail that doesn’t do time served, so he could sit there for a few more months before his court date and it won’t count as part of his served time in jail.  Sooooo he will either go to prison there or he will sit there until whatever his fine is and they might not let him go at all because they know he has a record of not paying fines.  bleehhhh. I wish he would stop doing stupid shit.  Probably would have helped if his mother raised him and he wasn’t raised by four different people. 

Well. That got a bit off topic. Meh.

2 thoughts on “Wishing”

  1. I have tons of regrets as well (btw I know this post is old but I felt like commenting anyways.)

    You mentioned that you don’t have kids and don’t enjoy kids, well I’m 20 years old and I have three. Although I LOVE my children to pieces, I wish I wasn’t such an idiot in my high-school days and actually did things right. But I was too busy trying to be something I wasn’t. Then I ended up with three other human lives I have to care for forever….or until they’re 18 and I can just kick them out.

    Gosh ! Having regrets is the worst.

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