MY BIG SECRET! “HELP”

well hey there again well yesterday was a bit about myself, and today I should talk about what really is going on inside of me that I am holding back from everyone. to everyone I am a happy person I’m pretty got the smarts love sports which is a bonus and yea that’s great and all but deep down I am not really happy with myself. In my whole life I only kissed about 2 guys and tbh it wasn’t as amazing like everyone says it would be and like I thought I wasn’t kissing right or maybe it was them. and when it comes to sex I am still a virgin yes a 21 yr old virgin that haven’t had sex to tbh I wanna wait till I know there the right person not give it up just like that and I mean a lot of people have been just trying to get into my pants and that’s a big check in the no box for me. but anyways getting back into topic I always felt weird kissing guys like I can be a guys best friend or anyone’s like I can kick it off with a person so good but when a guy likes me I try it out but I really don’t seem to find interest. and when like I see on TV to be exact greys anatomy when Arizona and Kelly kissed for the first time and Kelly was discovering that she’s really into women I kind of got butterfly’s in my stomach. I was kind of shocked about it like is it because ? no so I just brushed it off and when I see girls holding hand and walking with there girlfriends like I have a smile on my face thinking like wow that’s cute. and tbh now I realized that I think I’m gay. my mom doesn’t know but I think she assumes I am she always tells  me to be honest with myself but I keep saying I’m not but deep down I am and I feel miserable in my own body like I haven’t kissed a girl or anything but I’m pretty sure I’m gay because I have an attraction to women like dame she’s cute I wanna kiss her type of deal but yet I’m scared about what everyone might say or think and I know ima lose a lot of people because of it because growing up I was in church my whole life till recently I stopped and I’m Christian so even harder and it goes way against out beliefs but like I’m not happy and my closes friends know I’m not happy because they always tell me you look depressed and sad like there’s something wrong with you. and I just cant be honest with myself saying IM GAY! like I think once I become honest with myself ill be so happy and I’m still waiting if anyone has any advice please help!

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