I only left the apartment yesterday to walk to the store to buy ice cream that I ate for dinner. It is 1:49pm and I haven’t left the apartment today. I talked to Teresa last night on the phone and it made me feel a little better. I am not good again today. I know I need to get out and walk but I don’t want to. I took a Xanax last night and I’m sure that also helped in addition to have someone to talk to. I am freaking out right now. I am freaking out that I have made a mess of my life- that I have once again made a huge mistake by moving here. I am near full panic mode.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 47 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, “just keep breathing in and out, that’s enough for today.”