Sleep Deprivation

April 2, 2017

(early evening)

  Today was pretty much just an average day. I was awake until at least one in the morning last night, not because of “them,” but just because I stayed up late doing stuff. So, I decided to give trying to sleep without the help of any sleep-aid a try. This was my second attempt at this within a couple of months. It may seem odd to most, I mean most people do not have to take a sleep-aid every night to get any sleep. For a long time, it just seemed like I had to because these negative entities were constantly harassing me with voices and with physical/bodily disturbances at a level where it seemed like it was almost impossible to get any sleep at all.

   There have been many occasions when I have lost an entire night of sleep because of “them.” I’d go to work and be tired as hell there all day. Some days, I literally had to drink coffee continuously all day to give me a much-needed boost. If I wasn’t kept awake for an entire night, then I would often have difficulty getting to sleep and be kept awake for several hours at least until I finally passed out. In these instances, I got some sleep, but it was not what I would call a full night of rest by any means.

 So, to counter this I’ve been taking a sleep-aid practically every night for the past year and a half now. Before that, I would often have a few beers in the evening and that in a way acted as a kind of sleep-aid. But, I had to eventually break that habit as it also contributed to me feeling exhausted and worn down the next day at work.

  There have been occasions where the sleep-aid has failed and it simply had no effect at all. More recently, it seems that I’ve developed something of a tolerance for the particular sleep-aid that I often use. For the most part, it works, but now I have to take double, sometimes triple the amount that I was taking last year. Last night, when I tried a little experiment of seeing how the night would go if I didn’t take any sleep-aid at all, basically it turned out just like it had when I attempted this a little over a month ago.

  Basically, what happened was that I didn’t just pass out completely like I usually do when I take a sleep-aid. Instead it seemed like for a few hours I was in this kind of half-asleep/half-awake state.  I say it felt like it lasted for a few hours because in a way, it did but it wasn’t like I was being kept awake at all. I certainly know what it is like to be kept awake by these harassing entities. Usually, it’s like time is dragging on very slowly and I just can’t sleep at all. In fact, when this happens, sometimes I just give up even trying to get to sleep. If I’m still awake at say three in the morning for example, I’ll just give up on getting to sleep at all and get out of bed and start drinking coffee. This is how it has played out on quite a few occasions.

  But, what I experienced last night was not that at all. I was still aware of the voices that I was hearing as well as the usual physical disturbances (last night it was primarily the vibration sensation), but it was weird, it wasn’t like I was fully awake, but I was still aware of the usual forms of harassment that were taking place. When I take a sleep-aid on any given night, I’ll experience these disturbances for a bit, but then it’s lights out… I pass out completely.

  Just recently, early one day at around four o’clock in the morning, I awoke suddenly and I did not detect the presence of these harassing entities at all. For a short time, I heard no voices and I was feeling no physical disturbances. I don’t remember exactly how long this reprieve lasted, but it was like these harassing entities had left and gone someplace else for a while. This was not what I experienced last night. Even though I was at least half-asleep, it seemed that they were continuing their harassment for much of the night because they knew that at least to some degree, I was still perceiving their presence. I experienced this same kind of situation one night a little over a month ago when I also went a night without taking any sleep-aid.

 So, perhaps I’ll try again this upcoming weekend. I would very much like to get away from taking a sleep-aid every night. I do feel that it often leaves me feeling worn down the next morning. But, I still am not willing to risk losing entire nights of sleep on a frequent basis when I have to work the next day. I’ll keep working on getting away from the dependence on sleep-aids, but it’s something that I feel is going to take some time.

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