Thoughts and feelings

Now that Shabbat is out, and my fiance is able to talk, I told him all that i’ve been through this weekend…

It wasn’t too happy and not too sad as well.

I saw my newborn sister after so long i haven’t gone to me father’s house, and i also heard my father’s hateful words of my sister and mother.

He told me so much of how my sister possesses no potential at all and that i’m much better..

he also told me of my mother’s crazy psycho actions on me.

I know my mother wants for my best.

I also know my sister tries her best to be great.

but i still know my father i right.

It’s too hard to know who to believe.

Yes. I do write songs on my own.

Yes. I am a very creative person.

And it is also true that my sister is very creative as well.

she isn’t as me, but she is.

Not as dull and empty as my father says…

I have no idea what makes my father this hateful or evil…

I know he hates my mother for many things.

but… hate is such a bad thing….

As a witch, and also a Wiccan/Pagen (I don’t know my path just yet) i believe my deity helps me and guides me on every step i make.

I talked to my deity a lot lately.

it was a very long time since i did, so i figured i should…

My father doesn’t know i do not consider myself a jew anymore.

MY mother mocks my belife.

Only my fiance know and want to help me become myself.

He is the one who taught me almost all i know now.

He taught me how to scry with my crystal balls; Ciri and Sky.

He is the one who gave me my first witchcraft books.

i owe him my life.

and now that we soon to be married, and to make our own family…

i started to thing of… children? pets? a home we can call our own?

I want to have my own decisions…

and i want to fix my errors.

my father gave me 100 shekels.

he told me to use it only to come visiting him.

i will have my first challenge to keep this money for something important…

i hope i’ll make it…

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