This Must be a Mistake

I am incredibly blessed.

I am 21 years old. I grew up in the cute, little, nearly-perfect town of Holland, MI. I am now about to graduate from college with a 3.9 GPA. I was accepted into 7/8 graduate schools to study Speech-Language Pathology. I am marrying by best friend in four months. We have been dating for four years, ever since my senior year of high school. I have never had any doubts whatsoever about marrying him. He’s honestly perfect. He is extraordinarily smart, about to go to law school at a prestigious university. We are each other’s best friends and have never gotten in a serious fight or rough patch. All of my family members are doing well. No sickness or lack of money or anything. Despite them living in Texas really far away from me, everything is going great as far as family. 

When I tell friends about what’s going on in my life, they are really impressed. I’ve had girls tell me that I’m “perfect” and that I’ve really got my shit together. But honestly, I’m dumbfounded as to how I’ve managed all of this. When people talk about their college experiences, their stories are full of all nighter’s and barely making it through. But I’ve never once pulled an all-nighter. The latest I’ve stayed up doing homework is midnight. I’ve managed a competitive GPA, and a decent GRE score to match. And the thing is, I’m really not that smart! Or at least I don’t think so. I keep thinking that this is all a mistake. How did I do it? Is graduate school going to be hell? Are people going to take me seriously as a 23 year old clinician? 

Also, how did I find a perfect husband on the first try? I’ve never dated anyone else. I’ve never been dumped and have never gone through heartbreak. He stayed with me while I was figuring out some serious mental health issues (turns out they make magic pills for people who experience anxiety every single day). He told me he wanted to marry me three months into the relationship. For the one semester we were long (ish) distance, he rode the MegaBus for 2 hours and then walked two miles in the freezing winter cold just to stay with me during weekends. Neither of us had a car at the time. 

I just don’t think I’ve worked hard enough to earn any of this. It’s a very awkward feeling. I I feel like most people have to go through some serious shit to get to this point. I feel very undeserving of such a perfect life. Also, I have a feeling something really bad and dark is bound to happen soon. Nobody gets a life this easy. 

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