lab lab lab.

I really hate physics labs.

I also hate Mondays in general.

And I hate weeks with odd schedules even more.

I just really don’t like physics.

I’m also really sad all the time. I really hate myself. I just want to sleep.

For a moment after I woke up this morning, I honestly considered skipping school. Or maybe dying. Just because it felt like death to have to get up off my bed.

I’m really lonely, all the time. I shouldn’t be, because I’m around so many people, and I love them, but it’s hard to feel like they love me. It’s hard to feel like anyone could ever like me. I don’t even like myself. Really I’m just sad and tired and I feel like I’m running out of time, although I can’t say exactly why. And I really can’t make myself feel very happy because even when I’m laughing at stupid memes or stupid videos, I feel empty. Empty and shallow.

Everything is hard and I’m sad.

2 thoughts on “lab lab lab.”

  1. *big big hugs* I have written entries exactly like this a thousand times, especially when I was your age! And I didn’t like physics either, I didn’t like all the maths that was in it! I did A-Level Chemistry though and discovered that was just as full of maths anyway :p

    I really dislike myself, really I am just scum of the earth and so useless at everything, I feel I have no one at all…and no matter what people say sometimes it doesn’t make you feel better for long. To me you seem a really great person though! You’re not judgemental and you’re extremely supportive & encouraging, you never kick anyone when they’re down by saying something nasty, which is what most of the people I encounter these days do.

  2. PrettyInBlack, of course memes and stupid videos don’t make your life feel fulfilled. You actually have to do fulfilling, difficult things in order to feel fulfilled. Watching dank memes won’t improve your life, it’s another ‘gateway’ like drinking alcohol or smoking weed basically. Makes you feel good for that one moment, but pretty bad every other moment.

    The best anti-depressant is to connect with people. Make a friend that you can visit anytime, and do anything with, at any time. Do you have someone you can hug and connect to whenever you feel down? You need to make connections with other people, it’s hard to live a lonely life.

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