Ridiculous

So thinks have been fine for me for the past week, but there is always something in the back of my head that makes me upset.
You can already figure.
Giving away the kittens I have.
I only have three weeks left with them. 
I know what you’re thinking.  ‘So what? Their just kittens.’ 
Yeah…but I raised them since birth and I’m so fucking attached and I have no idea how well they will be treated growing up. 
I have a friend I went to school with that will take one, but…they have a pitbull, which whatever, they can be amazing dogs. It’s still a puppy, but it’s old enough to want to go after a cat and it’s much older than my kittens. She wants little Iris (black and white) and I brought her to her house and she was just scared out of her mind. I get it because yeah, new place and not ready anyway. I’m just scared of what COULD happen. She’ll probably get her declawed, which I’m against, but she won’t be mine anymore…and I wouldn’t have say in it. 
Other than that… the other people I have no idea who they are. I mean two of my kittens aren’t exactly on hold, they are still thinking about getting them or trying to get parents to let them have them or take them. 
There is one person I have no idea who she is and wants one of my Tabby’s. They have chihuahua’s but I mean… that doesn’t mean that they just don’t want the kitten for dog baiting. I’ve read that people use their wives to get these animals to make it sound like they will have a loving home and whatever some I’m fucking scared. 
Yeah, okay. That sounds racist because the fact the woman is latino that asked me.  Yes they have a family with little kids that probably want the kitten, but you just don’t ever fucking know. I know white people and natives do that shit too, but I’m so fucking iffy with people these days. 
Fuck. Just thinking about it makes me cry that I will have to give them away in three weeks. I’m not ready to. I raised them…They love me to death and follow me around and want to nap with me on my bed and up against me. Yeah, Baby is their mother, but I’m mama to them now. I’m providing their food and water and they aren’t totally relying on their mom anymore…it’s me. 
I’m so worried for their wellbeing….and I think I’m worried about myself when they go. I’m sure my depression will spike because they won’t be there for ME to take care of them.  Well actually…they took care of me…
Yes, I have five adult cats and a dog that depend on me as well, but damn… since birth and I helped them advance to eating a little faster and using the litter box and they do so good at that and at staying in safe places in the house. If I could keep them I would…I live in a trailer house so…yeah. Five cats already, plus the kittens…and them being older. My husband wouldn’t allow it. He SAYS, that he might let me keep one, but….I would still be so worried about the other three. They are all so precious. 
I love them. Little Lily, Iris, Missy and Otter<3
Haha. I love them more than my husband and myself. At least I would know they were taken care of if I had them…
I hate crying. I hate it.

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