Today I decided to start a journal. I finally pinpointed the exact day in my life when I chose my career over love. Then I realized, chose it again, and again. Until there were no choices to make. For some reason, this has hit me today, although I made that first choice a year and a half ago.
If I had chosen love back then, I am fairly sure I would resent my partner for that every single day.
I am very lucky that my first job was such a big success. I have the best coworkers, a very modern job and my professional life is highly fulfilling. But I am starting to worry if I will ever feel that way about my private life. It seems to me, no matter how many nice things happen to me, and they do happen often, I’m just never happy and always wanting more.
I feel bad about that. I don’t want to be ungrateful. I feel like I just don’t know how to enjoy the moment. I always think about how to improve things even more.
So I am writing this post in the hope that putting this “on paper” will help me realize how to be happy with everything that life gives, even if it’s not exactly what I wanted.