Where Do I Start To Pick Up The Pieces

Hi, It’s Lauren. I’ve always wanted to start an online journal. Was just never really sure what I’d talk about. Or if anyone would read it. Here’s to hoping someone does. I’ve been in the navy for almost 3 years and have only been in one command. I already hate it. I love the navy. Just hate the unbelievable amount of male jerks I’m around all the time. I fell in love with one of them, unfortunately. And given my past, I put a lot of work into trying to make it work. But he just didn’t want to be with me anymore. It was that simple to him. And it has ripped me to shreds. On top of that, I find out that everyone has been spreading rumors about me sleeping around. None of which happened and none of which I even had any idea about until the whole shop was being counseled and I was being singled out. So the “mutal” “friend” that was doing the counseling also said he didn’t want to be my friend anymore because I’m such a bad person. Mind you, no one had even asked me if the rumors were true or even my side of the story. So for him to say I wasnt the one acting like a friend was a bunch of shit. A real friend wouldn’t believe rumors without asking the person the rumors are about. Which, luckily for me, a face in the crowd pulled me close and told me everything that was being said. I cried for weeks. I still cry. That “mutal friend” decided to patch things up and started flirting with me. It was weird but I needed someone to make me laugh. But the conviction started to take root. It was wrong. So I told him I didnt want to play around with him anymore, he turns on me. Makes me do bullshit work and puts me on his shit list. Now here I am. No friends because everyone is scared to be around me and hanging on by threads. I try to go to church and be happy but, its hard when the world is so overwhelming.

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