i’m feeling dumb & dark & sunny.

I feel very dark and sunny.

The days can’t go by any faster they are. Six more weeks, and my junior year will be over.

I feel stormy and volatile inside, and constantly ready to collapse.

I embarrass myself every time I write an emotional, sad entry. I’m a dumbfuck and you should know it by know, I know it, hell, everyone on this site who has read one of my dumbass emotional posts should know that I’m dumb and emotional as shit.

I’m getting better, in some ways. I’m getting better at stabilizing myself faster.

Our whiteboard this week is sad. We were all too busy to really add to it, and our physics teacher hasn’t been here in the afternoons or even for for entire days this week, so we haven’t had time after school to doodle on it. So it’s sad. The theme this week was “robots”, but I feel like that was kind of hard, and not as easy to add to. It’s sad. Maybe I’ll add some more to it tomorrow.

Today was a good day. But I sound sad every time I write.

I haven’t stopped hating myself. I’ve given up trying not to. It’s just a constant thing that’s there that I’ve kind of resigned myself to, because it’s been like this for so long. I just want to get good grades and get into a good college far away from here and fix my teeth and get a job and find a boyfriend. Maybe not so much that last part. But in that order. I hate my teeth almost as much as I hate my personality. Maybe a little more. Yeah, definitely more. I’ve got over being short and freckled, but I still hate my teeth. They’re hideous.

You wouldn’t think so by reading this, but I’m decently happy. I have people to talk to, and I’m getting good grades.

My friend was telling me about old drama. It was great. She’s really pretty, and it makes sense that all these weird boys would like her. They don’t deserve her, but I understand why they would pursue her. She’s terribly pretty, and just a great person, really.

I’m feeling very dumb & dark & sunny today.

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