My son.

This pregnancy was certainly no walk in the park this time. At around 18-20 weeks pregnant I had my anatomy scan done, and everything seemed to be going good. At the very end, the ultrasound technician had spoken to the doctor and told them they were having trouble getting the cardiac views that they needed. With plenty of reassurance I was told that this was common and it could be just because of the way the baby was positioned. I was referred to another doctor to get a level 2 anatomy scan done. An hour later there were still no answers as to what they were seeing in this ultrasound. We were then referred to another doctor, a pediatrics cardiologist. Another hour down doing a fetal echo on my stomach, taking almost 100 pictures of my little babys heart. I literally laid there and talked to every angel in heaven in my head. I just kept praying everything would be okay. Then the bomb was dropped that our son had a heart condition called AV canal defect. Immediately I lost it. I felt responsible somehow. What did I do wrong? How could I not have protected my baby from something like this? After what felt like a lifetime talking to the doctor, John and I walked to the car and almost in sync with one another started sobbing. We hugged each other and held on so tight and told ourselves it was going to be okay. He will need open heart surgery at approximately 6 months old. My baby.. how am I supposed to accept the fact that this little tiny person will have to go through something so traumatic? We were even told by our cardiologist that it is going to be the hardest week of our lives. It took a long time for me to want to share this with other people besides friends and family. I think I decided to do so because we all take things for granted. I find myself watching him breathing and putting my head on his chest to feel his little heart beating a lot more often than I did when Ava was a baby. Even though he WILL be getting surgery, after that is done he should be perfect just like a normal kid. Being a mother has definitely made me a stronger person and showed me a completely different kind of love. I will be doing a lot of mental preparation for that day when it comes and I’m honestly just thankful to have such a great support system around me. My son is lucky to have people who love him so much. 

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