The past week…

Has been a bit of a blur, except for some things.  Wednesday and Thursday I was sick with the flu, which I haven’t had since I was in middle school, so that was fun. Constant running to the bathroom every half hour.  Had to call in to work at least Wednesday since I was off Thursday, but the days were spent somewhat productive. 
I did get a little cleaning done and I actually found one of my older sisters that were part of my birth dads first batch of kids. Yeah… I’ll have to explain this one. 
So, the dad that I consider my dad is actually my step dad, but I grew up thinking he was my real dad until I was like 11 and found a photo, in one of my moms stashes for old photos, of a man holding me as a baby. I asked who it was and she said it was my real dad. Ever since then I’ve always wanted to find him. When I was older I started getting more of the story of how they met and when he left us and then eventually I got his background and how much of a sociopath he is.  
Not like a serial killer sociopath, but someone who can’t connect with anyone and has no real feelings towards anyone or what he does to people. I shouldn’t say he can’t connect, because he’s had like….8 kids. I know I’m the last one he had so I would be number 8. 
So, he was dropped off at an orphanage when he was 2 years old and wasn’t adopted until after he was 10 years old. That probably had something to do with how he is.  His birth certificate says he is 100% German. So I’m a half breed German….and the rest is Mutt of Swedish, Norwegian, French/Canadian(Grandmas side was french canadian), regular French? (Grandpa was full blooded French) Chippewa (VERY small amount) and an adopted Irish from my step dad. Sooooo I have no idea what the percentages are for all that. lol
Anyways, So he was adopted at 10 and then he was in the Vietnam war when he turned 18. He ended up getting wounded in Vietnam and was transported to Germany for medical, and the nurse that took care of him he ended up marrying. They had 6 kids together and he had adopted her other two kids that she had with someone else. They moved to the states and lived only a few hours away from where I am now. 
Long story short, they were very abusive to each other and beat each other up. He cheated on her a few times with the same woman he ended up leaving me and my mom for. I can’t remember her name. But he left his first wife and gave up all his rights to his kids and the ones he had adopted. They were all pretty spread apart in age so they have some good age differences. 
He never had kids with the woman he cheated with, but then he met my brothers mom. They didn’t stay together long as he cheated on her with that one lady again. He had my brother and his mom MADE him stay in his life. So, he left my brothers mom for my mom. *sigh* And in turn she left her husband for my dad- apparently they were in the middle of a divorce anyway. Well, he was a trucker then and he would take my mom with all the time so that he could get his loads to their destination sooner, since my mom had her permit to drive semi.  Well, then she got pregnant with me and they still went trucking together and with me until I started moving around a lot. So about a year. 
He only stayed in my life until I was about 2 years old. I guess my mom asked him to watch me while she went to the store. He didn’t want to and my mom thought it was odd, but she took me with and it was just a quick trip because we came back and he had all his bags packed and was just about to walk out the door. 
His excuse was that he the IRS was after him and he needed to go. (He was leaving my mom and me for the woman he had been cheating on everyone with.) Sadly, like a week before he left he was telling my mom they should get married.  I guess it was a good thing they didn’t.  I’m glad, because I didn’t want my last name to be Kunkle. lmao My mom use to sing my name in like an old tv show theme song way. It’s Katie Kunkle! Thanks the Gods that my last name ended up hers, even though it was my sisters dad’s last name. 
So after that never seen or heard from him again. Well, lets go back about five years now. 
I found him and my brother on facebook. First I messaged my brother asking if it was actually my brother and all and turned out it was. Messaged my dad, but he didn’t always go on facebook so my brother had to tell him. 
Well, my brother told me about my dad a bit and if I brought up about him leaving it would make him back off. He was the only kid he kept in touch with and visited all the time. 
I talked to both my brother and my father on the phone, on separate occasions, and they are too much alike. Talkers. At least my dad gave me time to answer him if he asked a question. My brother would ask a question and give a millisecond and would start talking again. 
Never did I speak to my brother again and he never tried to contact me either. We got along for the most part, but never talked again.  Same with my dad really. Talked that one time on the phone and texted a few times and maybe a comment here or there on facebook and he either deleted me or her deactivated. It’s been almost a year since I’ve heard from him. Who knows.. he probably died. He does have lung cancer and only function of half of a lung. 
I mean, we have very different opinions about life and all that goes with it. It probably wasn’t destined to be a happy ever after. 
Fast forward to about January this year. I saw on my brothers facebook that there was a girl that lived in Germany and had the last name Kunkle in ()’s. I thought that was one of my sisters. I messaged her and it took her like two months to see it lol But it wasn’t my sister. It was on of my brothers sisters. Well, she talked to her mom who told me to look up a Nancy —– and that would be my blood half sister from my dads first wife. And that’s a big age difference because that lady is going to be 50 in june and me 28 in july. DAAAAAAMN. That’s a bigger difference than me and my half sister on my moms side. We are 12 years apart. 
Well, I’ve been talking to Nancy and she’s been telling me some things about her life and about our other siblings and showing me photos. My other brother looks EXACTLY like my dad. Scary. So it’s been pretty good. She’s a talker too and it’s so odd to me. I’m naturally a quiet person and all a sudden I have a family of chatter boxes. lol  They take after dad more I guess. lol
But it’s exciting and nerve wraking. I mean…I”m no good with meeting people or talking to people I don’t know in the first place. She wants to meet and she lives only an hour and a half away from me. Which I expected her to live pretty far away lol But nope. 
But other than that it’s been sickness filled…
Oh…and my mother in law is close to passing away.  She’s had a cancerous mass on her kidney for probably a year the doctors think.  She started getting sick last summer but never went in.  She thought she had the flu and never went in and she kept getting weaker and weaker until she was barely any muscle mass and just skin in January. (Around the time we took her dog from her because she beat him all the time) Well, after that she was in and out of the hospital and We went to see her today and she is a living skeleton at this point. There is nothing to her. They have been trying to get her healthy enough to do surgery but she won’t gain weight because of the mass and now it’s spread all over her body and they won’t do anything now.  Doesn’t help that for a month and a half she wouldn’t let the doctors do anything because she thought she knew better, but turns out she didn’t. 
To be brutally honest, I don’t feel sorry for her. She beat her dog for only barking because he wanted attention-that she never gave him. It’s Karma to me.  
BUT I feel bad for my husband. He didn’t like his mom since he was young because she basically abandoned him until he was late into his teens/adult years.  Then all a sudden wanted to be with her family. He told me how much he couldn’t stand her all the time and now that she’s about to pass away he gets teary eyed and gets upset. 
I mean yeah, it’s your mom and you can’t change who your family is, BUT don’t say shit that you don’t mean then. That pisses me off so bad.  He talks/talked shit about his dad/mom and then when it gets close to the time they are going (his dad is sick with cancer as well, but isn’t as bad as his mom) he gets upset.  
Stop saying shit you don’t mean. I don’t say horrible shit about my mom, like I hate her or I can’t stand her.  (He says sometimes he wish his parents would just die and he wouldn’t have to deal with it. yadda yadda.) I KNOW I would be lost without my mother. We don’t get along after too many hours together, but I never have said anything like that towards my mom because I know what would happen if she passed away. 
Nathan did it all the time and now that it’s coming true, he’s gotta be all sentimental. 
Yes, I may be a horrible person for it, but it’s how I am. 
I can’t feel bad for people who abuse animals. I can’t. She did it for years and we had just seen it in January. She admitted she had done it since she got him. (Which was Nathan’s dog, Kadaj’s puppy) Whatever.
I feel bad for him because he’s upset even though it upsets me that he’s upset after saying how much he doesn’t like them. I get his point, but don’t say it. 
But… She’s very close to passing. Doctors don’t think she will make it more than the weekend or more than the next week. 
Just so much going on. It will be my husbands mother passing and me giving away kittens within the next few weeks. I think we will both be massive wrecks.

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