Lost Young Christan

I’m just gunna be all over the place as I write this, so hang in there while reading.

I’m gunna start off by telling alittle about myself, I’m 17, a christian and a high school drop out. I don’t do much with my time anymore, I’ve tried to get a job but with no luck. I enjoy working with my media team at youth group, bassicly the tech geeks of the building. I mainly work the sound board but I managed most of the media booths equipment. I also enjoy photography, if you’d like to see some of the pictures I take just sift through my Instagram: SamuelJKeller

I keep thinking I cannot move on without her, and I won’t find any motivation from anything besides her. I’ve let myself fall into a dark pit of depression and fear of the future.
I was taking a HiSET course to graduate​ a year early and I had plans to go to college for four years and make something of my life but I haven’t gone to class since she was ripped away from me. Four weeks, nine skipped classes. There’s no possible way I can finish in time now, and if I’m not in college next semester then my parents are kicking me out on the day I turn eighteen.
I’ve sent out at least twenty job applications and I haven’t heard back from any of the employers. I tried calling and leaving messages asking them about the applications but still nothing.
It’s like as if God doesn’t want me to succeed anymore because I let a break up hold me back from the plans he had for me. He called me to be a youth pastor and called me to Faith Bible College International to prepare for that, but I threw it away just because I’m depressed about a stupid break up.
I’m not eating enough, and I’m sleeping too much. I rarely leave my bed room for anything. I spit my step father in the face because I don’t have anything else to direct my anger to.
The only thing that’s keeping me from a tight loop hanging from a pipe in my basement is the youth group that I go to only once a week. I have a responsibility there. It’s not much of one, I can easily just teach someone else how to do my job and just leave. But I haven’t.

She felt like the one. She caught me and filled the void I was falling in for 16 years. I don’t know what I’ll do without. I don’t know if I can move on. I don’t know.. Who I am anymore.. If the calling I pursued was actually what I was meant for.
I keep thinking that I have no meaning. That I’m just a random creation floating through life with no where to land.

One thought on “Lost Young Christan”

  1. I’d like to apologise for some of my typos, didn’t bother rereading much of that.

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