4/9/17

Tonight, i am done with you. i don’t know if this is aimed at me or the ex i can’t stop thinking about but whoever it is, i’m done. i feel stupid. i feel pathetic. i’m confused and i’m lost; it’s driving me insane. i want to say fuck it. i want to throw in the towel and give up. i crave the feeling of a blade against my sides. i crave the feeling of doing something so terrible to myself, it gives me the release i need from this shitty world. when i watch the blood bubble up onto my skin, i think of  how much i would have to cut to bleed out. i don’t want to die, but i like the thought of it. disappearing, what a fantasy. i don’t sleep anymore because when i close my eyes i see his face and i start to smile. shortly after,  i will realize that we’re not together anymore and i’m still heartbroken over you. i push my feelings away, keep my heart safe. i don’t take risks that i know will devastate me. but i took your risk. i gave you my heart and you treated me like shit. you spent multiple nights screaming that i was a whore and a slut because i had a brief encounter with someone i used to associate with. like what the fuck? USED TO. i get so mad i want to punch something when i think of you. you make me shake and want to scream until i can’t anymore. i still love him though. i still miss him so much. i check my phone all the time hoping it’s him and get discouraged with it. i love you but i can’t be with someone who thinks treating me like shit to make himself feel better is okay. i have major depression and anxiety. you knew i was fragile and you still hurt me. i feel like you don’t even care. i feel like your never gonna see that i didn’t fuck you over. that’s all i fucking want. im so mad. i hate myself. i hate love. i hate you. i hate life. i miss you. i love you. i’m done with life today.

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