Giving up

How do you think it’s ok to constantly treat me this way? How do you think it’s okay to single me out and be little me? I’m supposed to be the love of your life. You promised me you’d never hurt me but I find myself crying over you almost every night. How is it okay to do absolutely nothing with me. Make memories without me. You know I’ve always wanted to go there and yet you’re going without me. I mention that I’m upset and what’s the first thing you do? Grab your phone and start typing for a whole five minutes. I’m not stupid. I know you’re talking shit to your buddy about me because I’m being a little baby. Blah blah blah. No. I’m not. And I know everyone is probably thinking, just give him space just let him be. How much more space can I give him? He’s gone to Florida twice without me and now a third. He goes out almost every Friday to the bar with his friends while I stay home. Yet I want to do one thing with him and it’s the end of the world. We don’t make any memories together because he prefers to make them on his own. Why don’t you just end things if you seriously fucking hate me that much. Why don’t you just make it easier for the both of us and just leave. Leave me alone and let me be. I’ll be hurt in the beginning and I’ll probably be homeless but fuck it, if there’s a will there’s a way. Please just end it because you know I’ll never have the courage to do it myself. 

I don’t know how you think it’s okay to do everything alone without Me by your side. I always thought dating someone meant you and them against the world. Not you and your friend against your girlfriend. 

I feel so alone. I really do. I just want to take my car and drive for hours on end and I just don’t want to come back. I’ve had enough of this feeling. I’ve had enough of feeling alone and unloved and belittled. 

I was planning on coming here tonight and tell you all how amazing my day was. The first real day of spring and how it was spent outside reading a beautiful book the entire day. But then we get home and it’s like you had to find a way to ruin it. You knew telling me would piss me off but you did it anyway. You had to make sure my day had to end on a bad note as always or you won’t feel accomplished.

I feel like giving up. I feel like just not giving a shit anymore.  

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