making my way downtown.

 Still very dumb & very dark & very sunny inside.

My sense of humor has been completely and permanently corrupted by all the memes I’ve scrolled past on Instagram. I also start crying at one-minute Instagram videos now, so there’s that.

I’m probably ill. I talk to myself, that’s never a good sign. I also have unexpected panic attacks (?)(I think that’s what they are?) where the entire world seems to be collapsing in on me, and I’m paralyzed with this massive sense of fear and pain and confusion and despair. Have you ever curled up on your bed under the blankets choking on air because everything is hurting hurting hurting and the hurt is so bad but it won’t go away for hours and hours and hours and even years and you don’t know why? No? Okay, I’m just sick, then.


I’m going to volunteer at a big volunteering event soon. It’s going to be fun, because there are lots of activities I can participate in, and my friends will be there, too. Yay. I need hours for my NHS thing, but I also just really want to find charity/volunteering opportunities near me, since I can’t find any on my own. I can’t join any marches/protests simply because I don’t have a car and my parents would never let me, so I want to make up for it by helping other people, or animals, or whatever. I want to help people. I can’t help myself feel better, so I’ll start by helping other people. After all, it doesn’t matter if I want to kill myself eventually: I’d rather have helped a few people before I do that.

Today we went to the mall and I bought another pair of black pants (yay) and a black-and-white striped shirt. I would’ve bought a black shirt, but my mom wouldn’t let it happen, because apparently I wear too much black. Which is not true, because I only have two black shirts and one black long-sleeve shirt and one black winter jacket and one black parka (both of which I can’t even wear in summer). She said she wouldn’t object to me buying black underwear and bras, but that I shouldn’t wear too much black clothes. Oh well. Her house, her rules. I would want to wear all black every day for the rest of my life, and then top it all off with pastel-pink and gold flower crowns and accessories. I can only imagine how that would look. Probably hideous in real life, but I can dream, right?

I can’t believe I have to go through yet another week of school. I’m too tired. Please just let me die.

I also cannot believe Serenate didn’t become endgame. Dan Humphrey was the literal worst. Jenny was horrible, too. So was Rufus. Ugh. No.

I can’t believe the “making my way downtown” meme was born out of A Thousand Miles. I didn’t even realize it until I watched an Instagram video of the scene in which it was used for White Chicks. I was like, so that’s what the name of the song with the inspiring piano tune is! And then I heard her say “making my way downtown, walking faster” and I was like whoa wait what the hecky heck???

Finally, here are the results of my recent Buzzfeed Hogwarts house test. It’s a percentage thing of your Hogwarts houses. I always knew I was least like Gryffindor. But Ravenclaw, Slytherin and Hufflepuff are pretty evenly distributed in my soul, so that’s great. Smart, cunning, and loyal. Yessssss.

So, you’re 29% Ravenclaw, 27% Slytherin, 25% Hufflepuff, and 19% Gryffindor! You seem to be an almost perfect combination of all four houses, which is incredibly rare – you’re equal in your intelligence, bravery, loyalty, and ambition. As we know, though, the Sorting Hat takes your preference into account…so it looks like you get to choose your own house. Congratulations!


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