My Dearest of Diaries:
I don’t know if it was because I know EMDR 48 hours away or what but Sunday was treacherous most of the waking hours. There was a lot of feathers this weekend. I described it to Offspring the other day that it is as though my mind is full of fluffy white feathers. Each therapy session the feathers get tossed wildly up in the air. I take a day or two to empty my head and let the feathers settle to the ground. When life gets fucky then the feathers have a harder time floating loftily to the ground. Nope they whip around like they’re in wind tunnel…. sigh.
When the feathers are all being blown around doing somersaults in a gravity resistant way I have trouble and it makes me feel all wild animal vulnerable. See my brain substitutes words and phrases for other ones that have no relation, I have trouble remembering what I am doing or why I am doing it and making decisions is just plan non-negotiable. I fell the need to hide this from the general public. I get afraid Im going to let every plate I know of drop; no balls in the air just fluffy white feathers like a deleted scene from a toilet paper ad.
here we have Monday; working with much smaller humans that yesterday and trying to not let anyone smell the fear or find out the feathers haven’t landed.