Today was a decent day. It wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t the worst day I’ve ever had, either.
I could listen to Joji’s “medicine” on repeat for hours.
What I did today:
Talked to my friend D and P before first period. The theme for the whiteboard this week is “bugs.” Drew an ugly dragonfly and an ant. Graded the free-response portions of two strangers’ physics practice exams. A traumatizing experience, as I could just imagine someone grading mine and shaking their heads at how many parts I left completely blank. One of the exams I graded got a 5/55. The other got a 13/55. RIP me and those two people.
Geography review for the test tomorrow. History busywork (or, as my teacher likes to call it, “independent study work.”) English found poetry out of random pages of Invisible Man–awesome. Talked with my friend JS; love her. Finished the reinforcement activity in accounting: it took my friend and I the equivalent of around 250 minutes to finish the entire thing, but since the due date got extended to tomorrow, we’ll have a free day in accounting tomorrow. Did the Easter program in computer programming, which was easy, as everything we needed to do was given on the paper. Reviewed for tomorrow’s precal test in eighth period.
Walked out with my friend K. Walked home in the stifling muggy weather, sweating and sticky all over. It was cloudy and gray outside, but the air was unbearably hot and thick.
Time flies, flies, flies. Twenty more days and I’ll be taking the real AP physics test. Dead.
Everyone is talking about prom. It’s in May. I can’t get excited about it, partially because I legitimately don’t care, partly because I know I won’t go because it’s being held in the county over, and partly because I know no one’s going to ask me and I don’t have that many friends to go with anyway. I look at the super extra promposals on Instagram and feel nothing but empty.
It’s a four-day week this week, and next week. I can’t believe my junior year is coming to an end. It’s depressing.
My sister keeps uploading pictures of food to her Snapchat story. It’s always food. Sometimes it’s at two or three or four in the morning, and I think, what the heck are you even doing, staying up at this crazy hour? The food looks legit good though. Hungry.
My entire life is slipping away. My time is dwindling. Please do not tell me to just get up and do things; that will not make me feel better, I’ve tried it, honestly. Also, making friends isn’t easy. It’s not. So don’t tell me that I’m only feeling tired and down because I’m not doing enough meaningful things. Please just go on with your active meaningful healthy confident life and just let me be sad for a while. You self-righteous people make me tired. I received a bizarre and highly insulting comment from some health-fitness-crazed-rando on LiveJournal that basically told me that the only reason I don’t feel happy and hyper all the damn time is because I’m not a vegan. Can you believe–? I ignored that shit. He actually said that the only reason I was feeling low was because I *obviously* am not “eating right” or “exercising enough”. Seriously? He also gave me “advice” on how to improve my mood through changes in my lifestyle. Dude–you’re not some health expert. Kindly go away and trade health-fitness-lifestyle tips with some other vegans or whatever. I’m not trying to insult vegans; just this one crazy dude. It was legit tiring to read through that long long LONG-ass comment, mansplaining to me why my current lifestyle is too sedentary and why I would feel less sluggish if I cut out all processed food and animal products from my diet. The fuck? I’m pretty sure I don’t feel sad just because I eat non-organically-produced food. But nice try, buddy. Now hush the fuck up and go swap health stories with your fellow health bros. Honestly, people on LJ (and elsewhere) who are just DYING to give unsolicited health advice to users who are just minding their own business, should just build their own little tribe somewhere without internet. Like, literally why do you care so much whether I’m living the same way as you are? That rando just took the cake for the most narcissistic, self-obsessed, egotistical, faux-pro-health weirdos I’ve ever seen.
I don’t care if you’re a vegan or a carnivore or if you only eat gluten-free food or windfall fruits or trashy synthetic processed snacks or WHATEVER–I legit DO NOT CARE. But don’t come ’round and tell me how to live my life when I never asked you to. That shit is ridiculous. I don’t bother you, you don’t bother me. I don’t try to convince you to eat meat, you don’t oversimplify my feelings to an unhealthy diet. Simple and fair.
Also, that dude must have little to no understanding of how emotions work. Vegans, I am assuming, get sad in daily life just as meat-eaters do. How the heck was he going to justify telling me that I was only feeling down because I wasn’t vegan? Legit how?? That’s not how moods work, my buddy, my dude. It’s not.