troubling

my caffeine addiction is getting worst. people have told me in the past that I have to stop, but I didn’t, and now I need it. without caffeine in me, I get depressed and more paranoid. I’ve become reliant, which is basically the opposite of what I was going for. of course, there’s no stopping me now. it’s gotten to the point where I can’t have a day without an energy drink and coffee and I’ll lie and sneak out to get that energy drink. my friends are telling me to stop but I can’t because I don’t want to get depressed and I don’t want to be more paranoid. i also need it because of my sleeping issues- although, the caffeine may play or role in it. i believe it’s my anxiety and light-sleeping, though, because by the time my caffeine wears of i’m asleep. anyway, because i’m not getting much sleep (i.e, waking up randomly during the night, waking up earlier, not being able to sleep until late), I need caffeine to sustain me throughout the day. if i’m not focused, I might do bad on my exams. I’d rather risk my health than do poorly in school, especially since at this point everyone’s watching me.

damn, there’s a lot I have to talk about on here. i suppose I’ll have to post gradually. 

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