April 12, 2017

Well..hey there. Today has sure been a roller coaster of emotion, hasn’t it? Even better yet, you can feel that pull again growing stronger and stronger every moment you spend thinking about it. That’s right now though. What happened in just one day that could make you feel this bad? Well, to start off, you woke up feeling rather normal. You didn’t have to go to Kelley’s class today because they are taking standardized tests but woke up early enough as if you were to go. Then you got that “Mornin” text… Of course your heart fluttered for a second because it was from him. You have spent just about everyday with him ever since Dom’s house party where you obviously made a fool out of yourself from drinking way too much tequila. Little does he know, it was that very night that you began to fall for him because he didn’t take advantage of you where just about every other guy would have. Anyways, you apologized for being sloppy and he said that it was ok and he forgave you. From there, you two seemed to hit it off right away and went straight to flirting and even sent a few pictures here and there ;). Afterwards, he invited you over to meet his mom, sister, sisters boyfriend, and nephew in which they were the nicest people and welcomed you with open arms. Everything seemed to be going great and had you feeling good. What went so wrong to mess that up? Like I said before, it all started with that “Mornin” text. Neither of you worked today and so you thought that it would be a good idea to invite him over so he could see the house and meet Geddy (the dog). But by that time, it would leave him about 4-5 hours to actually hang out because you had class at 4. Then he went on and said that he had to get his emissions test done on his car and then renew his license plate sticker because all of that was over due. He asked if he could come after you got out of class and hang out then. You asked your stepmom and dad but dad had school, stepmom had her meetings so no one would be home all together which was a no go in this household. You never did get back to him about it and explain the situation but no biggie. Then he asked you if you were in good standing with your family (after coming home late monday night) and you said “not at all” but that’s how it usually worked in your house. You guys got into a deep and meaningful conversation on how life is what you make of it and that there are still people that care about you no matter how you feel about a given situation. Then he hit you hard with the “I wanna talk about us for a minute.” Your heart instantly started racing, your palms got a sweaty and you thought to yourself that this could finally be the moment where he confesses that he really does like you, even enough to want to date you…….Wrong. He explained to you that things just started moving way too quickly and that his heart wasn’t entirely there in the present. He was still dealing with his past love which, he never got over entirely. He wasn’t ready for a relationship at this point in his life even though it sounded so good. You were utterly and physically heartbroken. But you didn’t want him to know that so, you had to fake a smile (conversation wise) and tell him that you understood everything completely and that you saw it coming and it was merely a matter of time. In truth, you really didn’t. To make matters even worse, he went on saying “I will go ice skating any day with you, have ice cream, go to the friggin book store or hang and watch RedVsBlue or Disney movies or anime. I want you as a person. I personally think that if and when I date someone, I am going to give them everything. I have had relationships in the past where it was about the sexual things and ruined it. I sadly have fallen for people that don’t love me back and after so much of that my heart honestly can’t take it anymore.” Does he really expect you to do all the things couples would do and not think twice about dating? He says it wouldn’t be fair if his heart was only half way there. But does he realize how much more unfair it would be to play along as if you were dating but, in reality, you aren’t? You understand that he’s trying to save this friendship because he told you he didn’t want to lose you. I guess it simply comes down to whether or not you can handle it. Ask yourself, can you just be friends even though you have strong feelings for him? Can you suppress those feelings just enough to get by without wanting to break down knowing he doesn’t want the same way you want him? What happens if you really do break? What then? The only thing you know for sure is you don’t want to lose him and are willing to do just about anything to prevent that from happening. But, how far can you really go before it’s too much to take? Well, you’ll find out soon enough.

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