“Love” sucks.

My first journal entry on this sight, well any site for that matter. Sure, I’ve kept “journals” or “diaries” before, but I was never able to keep up with it lol (probably because it made my hand hurt after a minute). Anyway, I’m a bit nervous considering this is my first journal entry and I am making it public. So here it goes. I was with my baby’s father for three years, and we’ve been split up for a little over half a year, well I was not expecting to get into another relationship anytime soon, but hey, shit happen right? I ended meeting this guy who I’ve actually known for years but never really “talked” to him, he messaged me a few months ago and we instantly connected, I’ve never connected with somebody so quick nor that easily. We talked for awhile, got to know each other on a deeper level, conversation came so easy with him, I told him so much about me, things I don’t talk to anyone about, and he told me things about himself that supposedly he doesn’t talk to many people about either. We talked about so many things, SO many different things. And let’s just say, I caught feelings FAST, and I don’t “fall in love” that quick, ever, but something felt so different about this person, he made me feel things I’ve never felt before, and he said he shared the same feelings towards me. Anyway, we made plans for him to come over, and right before that happened, the night he was suppose to come over, he ended up ignoring me, come to find out he was talking to his ex who cheated on him several times and didn’t even apologize to him lol. I found out by asking his ex if she’s heard from him (I asked nicely), and I finally here from him but all the text says is “don’t talk to her” and “I’ll explain”, so I call him and ask him to explain, his excuses were that his ex has been through a lot and it’s made her who she is today and that he’ll always be friends with her, and his other excuse was that he felt like I didn’t like him! That doesn’t even give me an explanation as to why you ignored me for two days, stood me up, and started talking to your ex again. But, we worked things out because he asked to talk to me in person, he came over, we talked, and everything went great. Everything was great for while and then AGAIN he starts ignoring me! He had more excuses. We worked stuff out, everything was going good. Then ONCE AGAIN he starts ignoring me lol (we hung out a few times inbetween him ignoring me lol), we worked stuff out and he was suppose to come over, right after we made plans he text me saying “this isn’t right, I feel immense pressure of you forcing this on me” and “I feel like this is going too fast”, that really pissed me off. I’m like, if you felt that way than you wouldn’t have let it get this far, you wouldn’t have said you loved me, you wouldn’t have talked about our futures together, you wouldn’t have said you wanted to be a father figure to my CHILD, you wouldn’t have said everything you said and contributed to this relationship, I wasn’t talking to myself this whole time! What makes me mad is that he got my child involved, I told him if he did that again after he’s met my daughter and started a bond with her that he’ll be lucky if I don’t knock his head off his shoulders, because it’s one thing to hurt me, but you hurt my child and that’s a whole different scenario. My daughter loved him, and she’s usually scared of men because of her father, she use to cry and scream and shake whenever a man came near her, even men in our family, and he knew about that. I’ve never seen my daughter so comfortable with a man before, and it breaks my heart and infuriates me that he would bond with her than just walk away like that! So, I got no real explanation at the end, just thrown away like a worthless piece of trash. More happens but I didn’t want to make this super super long lol. I just don’t understand how someone can say they’re in love with you, make plans with you for the future, involve your child and say so much stuff that gives you hope and builds you up and then just tear you down like it meant nothing. I was really, really hurt.. I feel very used and betrayed. I’ve been through WAY worse, but I really felt something different with this guy, I felt such a strong connection. I guess I was wrong though, and usually my gut instincts are ALWAYS right, not this time, not even close.

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