Thursday April 13th Part 2

Tomorrow I am going to start over. I am going to make a clean start. I am going to act like an adult. I am not going to drink because I know it is never a good thing for me. I know I’ve said this a million times before. I just have to stop fucking around with alcohol. If I had learned my lesson back when I had that wine disaster drunk summer before last, I could have saved myself so much heart ache. 

Right now I feel sick and near panic. Sick at my stomach and panic attack flashing

3 thoughts on “Thursday April 13th Part 2”

  1. I also suffer from severe anxiety and panic attacks. I have allowed fear to rule my entire life when I have the rational logic to know full well that feelings are not facts. I look back at my life and realize I have come through many dreadful, awful things that I handled and handled well in insight. You (we) are brave. We have lived through hell. We are survivors. Losing our confidence (or worse, never having any) is not a sure bet for a loser’s life. It’s just a thing that happened and with good friends and proper, positive, encouraging self talk, we can overcome whatever we need to. “Just keep swimming.” 🙂

    I just signed up and haven’t written yet, though my heart is heavy tonight. Your post encouraged me. I believe in you to do exactly what you said and sense that you very much have the resolve to do what you know you need to do for yourself. For what it’s worth, I’m cheering you on. You got this, Beautiful!

  2. Thank you so much for writing. I have kept a journal since I was a child. I only started using this online version a little more than a year ago for the explicit reason that I could get feedback from others. I beat myself up all day every day with my negative self talk. I have no loving family to tell me different. I depend solely on the kindness of strangers and a therapist to tell me I’m not that horrible person I feel I am so often.
    Right now, I am starting a new job and I don’t yet have my health insurance in place. Because of this, I am not able to see a therapist. It is hard- so hard having no one to talk to and being all alone in a new city. I have PTSD from my childhood trauma of living in an alcoholic home. The panic and anxiety can eat me alive at times. I am very careful not to abuse prescription drugs- I get Xanax prescribed to me for my panic attacks- I try my best to ride out the attacks with no medicine whenever I can. Yesterday, was so bad, I had to take medicine. Even so, I break the pills in 1/2 and only take 1/2 at a time. I ended up taking 3 halves yesterday to make it to bed time. I have got to stop drinking alcohol. It puts me in those situations- I want to be “cool” and be able to drink cocktails like “cool” people. I just can’t. I have to realize that. It has to stop.
    Thank you again for reaching out to me.

  3. Right. Heavy drinking brings out the anxiety in people like us who are prone to it. I totally abstain and just have my favorite non alcoholic drink. I have learned to have a great time not drinking at all. I also take meds for anxiety but have cut my dosage in half with the plan of coming off of them entirely. I’m done with those things. I can learn to breathe through anxiety, as my meds stopped working for me long ago, as they are so famous for doing. It’s been dreadful. There is a long story behind that with the main topic being “Why To Not Make Benzos a Daily Habit: Because You Will Pay Dearly Like The Rest Of Us Who Did.” It was not hard for me to stop drinking, and I can have a better time without it, because I am more in control. The panic attacks were so severe (even without drinking) I will gladly avoid everything that brings them on…. and NOT miss it! Have a great day.

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