What I believe is a stage of depression

You be the judge.

Sister said I leave her house in two days and once I’m out I am not her problem.

How this makes me feel:
Sad I want to scream, I want to cry, y want to run far, far away were I could no longer get hurt by sisters comments, she don’t know this but she cuts me every time she says she is happy I am moving, every time she’s a bitch to me.

Lately I feel like all I cause is worries to family, like there lives would be so much better with out me, in part I want to go to jail to not have to continue to be in this cruel world, in part I wanted to move to EP for the same reason to run away to feel the love when my family sees me.

I know mom loves me, but sometimes I feel she’s just feed up with all my sickness and drama that’s why I don’t tell her my pains no more, that according to them I’m causing to myself “maybe I am” maybe I am just seeking attention (I don’t know), what I did realized today is that my life went down the drain 3 yrs ago, maybe my life was already down the drain since I was little , since I felt that My father didn’t love me only my two other sisters, since I isolated myself to my dolls, but then my sister and mom took them away from me “I was to old to play with dolls” they said, since I lost all my friends, since my only “best friend” is not even my friend. She talks behind my back she’s a bitch to me she doesn’t care about me.

Why is everyone stabbing me, causing me pain?
I’m I really going through a depression, do I need help?
Have I ever thought about killing my self?

Idk, maybe, what if I wished someone would kill me like that it’s not suicide, like that my family don’t hate me.

Is this still considered thinking to kill my self?

Not sure.

Well I guess I don’t know nothing anymore, I don’t know why I help people who don’t deserve it, who treat me like crap, who don’t care about me, I have to start paying a stranger to take me to work, to not be a burden to my sis or friend, I’m not even going to tell them, “no wonder my horoscope says I like to take risk “yup I do”

Lately I have been distracted I see a red light or a car breaking but I don’t think about stopping I want to continue to go.

Maybe that’s why I was in a crash because I was alone distracted like always, not thinking of nothing but thinking of something that is distracting me well I’m driving, distracting me from work, life.

I used to play with my dolls in my head not any more, not since 3 yrs ago.

I just want to be happy, wait I just realized I can’t remember the last day I was happy.

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