What Now?

Ok, so updates…

In work: 

I am so done with my school. We’re on our fourth administrative team in 3 years and the school is spiraling. What’s worse is my passion is spiraling. I think in a new environment I could have a renewed spirit, even if only for a few years. I’ve spent the past couple school years applying to a local international school and I finally had an interview there this week! It’s a well-established charter school and so diverse you wouldn’t believe it. There’s 28 languages spoken in the school and 35 countries represented. Much of the refugee community that I work with in my neighborhood goes there, so its the perfect place for me. The sample lesson went pretty well, I think- If I don’t get the job it wouldn’t be because of that. The pressure of a serious conversation tends to make me emotional (the most embarrassing thing ever), and so I’m always worried I look a little crazy  during high pressure situations. This interview was definitely high pressure; Three administrators firing off 15 questions a piece of the “tell us about a time when you didn’t collaborate with your team as well as you could have” variety. As long as they didn’t judge me for turning red or my eyes welling up, I think my answers were pretty spot on? Ugh… my school passed out new contracts an hour ago and I don’t want to sign it. I really hope I get this job!

In Life:

Everything has been going really well with the blog lately, but it is definitely getting to be more time consuming than it used to be. We finally have a handle on this whole social media marketing thing and our newsletters perform better than any other bloggers we know. If we could just start making more than $200 a month, that would be great… it’s something, but not enough to justify the amount of time we put into it.

My bathroom renovations are coming along slowly but surely… So far I’ve replaced the tile, drywall, plumbing, trim, and painted the walls. I was supposed to have the trim and ceiling painted before Kade got back in town, but he’s back today and I went drinking with friends pretty much every day this week instead of working on the bathroom. C’est la vie. 

In love:

Let’s be honest. My “love” life is more of a “casual sex and perpetual first dates” life.

The sexy Latvian I mentioned last time ghosted me, but I can’t say I was surprised. I knew he was less into me than I was him. 

I met Tanner in the neighborhood bar (his sister and her wife are regulars up there) and we started hanging out and sleeping together, but it’s become pretty apparent that he has a bit of a drinking/drug problem. Don’t get me wrong… I drink more than I should, but he is literally trashed every night. I think he must do pills because there’s no other explanation for how trashed he gets after drinking the same amount as the rest of us. He’s still around alot because he and my best girlfriend Fallon have bonded over what huge potheads they are, but I don’t think he’ll be around long. We can’t take that man anywhere. 

I met a Syrian man named Heval on a dating app and he looked soooo good on paper… A cardiologist, involved in the refugee community like I am, handsome. And honestly, I loved hanging out with him! But when he kissed me I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wanted it to end. I asked him if we could back off and just be friends and he lost it. Oh well. Easy come, easy go. 

Demetrius and I still get together occasionally and flirt relentlessly at work, but I want something real! The sex is so good with him, but I know it’ll never turn into anything that could last. We’re just too different. 

Cal and I have known each other for years. We used to play APA together (amateur pool league) and after I left the league we kept in touch, meeting up occasionally for happy hour or to play pool. I’m not really attracted to him (he’s very overweight, but somehow cute, like a big teddy bear), but we have so much fun together! He told me when I was dating Latvian Gatis that if we were ever single at the same time he wanted to take me out, so when Gatis ghosted we did exactly that. We’ve been out several times since then and I’ve even slept at his house a few times, but we’ve never so much as kissed. I’m not sure I want to be more than friends because his friendship is important to me and I don’t think there’s any hope of an actual relationship. He’s a divorced truck driver with 2 kids, no ambition to do more, and has the type of priorities that lead him to conclusions like “I have no dishes that aren’t paper plates… I think I’m going to buy a motorcycle!” I have trouble respecting someone like that. I would destroy that man. He would love me hard and love me forever, but I don’t think he would be enough for me.

Maybe one day I’ll figure this shit out. 

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