I just came home after meeting my boss for dinner at his house. We had dinner. We also had sex. The dinner I was expecting. The sex not so much.
No better time to start journalling.
What the hell just happened? (I actually wrote ‘fuck’ but had to delete it for context sake) I never imagined to become such a cliche. Man (37), owner of a very successful paramedical practice, father of three, takes a break from the relationship with the mother of his children and ends up in bed with one of his employees within two weeks. This employee is 10 years younger than him. That employee would be me. The bed was actually a sofa. And I’m typing on the notebook he gave me.
I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind. Not in the way that I have dreamed of being with him for ages, waiting, hoping, desiring and now that his relationship is crumbling, jumping at the opportunity all too eagerly. No. I mean the thought of having sex with him has crossed my mind. Purely hypothetically. He’s attractive. There’s always been some kind of tension, attraction if you will. I’m not seeing anyone at the moment. Plus a girl has needs. So a girl starts to let her mind wander from time to time. No intentions or plans, just playing around in the safe garden of my own mind. Every time the thought of having sex with him crossed my mind I played the same scenario: I’d say no. It’s not the sensible thing to do. I love my job. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. I’d say no at the first hint of anything that would cross the colleague/friend barrier. Or maybe I’d allow him to kiss me, just to see how it feels for a few seconds and then say no. I would be proud of myself for being sensible and making the wise decision rather than giving in for some good old fashioned getting down and dirty. I love the way things are in my life right now and sex only makes things messy and complicated. When push came to shove, I talked the talk. I did not walk the walk.
Do I regret it? Can’t say that I do. Says the delicious red wine pumping through my veins. It was a conscious decision. I could have said no at any point. I didn’t and all that followed felt good. I enjoyed. He enjoyed. Afterwards we cuddled, we laughed, we even talked about the bizarreness of it all and we went our separate ways. I’m completely fine.
Let’s see what the unmerciful break of dawn has to say about that.