rough day

i’m in a depressive mood where i can’t do anything even though i really have to. i can’t focus here in mississauga; i should’ve gone back to hamilton rather than stay here at my mom’s request. especially when stakes are high – my grade for accounting is way too low for comfort and the past few days were supposed to be dedicated to studying for its final. but nah i didn’t do shit because of this immobilization, for lack of a better word. i find myself looking at my old art and creative aspirations, but am i just looking at them because i always do around exam season, or because i’m assuring myself i’m just as talented and creative as the one person i always compare myself to? even when i try to study because Comparison studies hard, it feels like i shouldn’t study at all if my motivation is such an unhealthy one. i’m thinking about deleting Comparison off of all social media, but it’s a pretty significant bridge to burn. Not because I know them all too well or anything, but for reasons I can’t utter here on this page, i just can’t without making things awkward or potentially hostile.

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