car thoughts

I’m currently in the car, parked in a lot. I’m on my way back to Hamilton; made a stop at Galleria to pick up some food. My mom kept trying to get me to go in with her but i look too shitty. She was all “No Chris you’re SO pretty, you look fine” but I was like bro i’m not even wearing a bra right now. My dad was too lazy to go with her. I think he’s still jet-lagged from his Korea trip. 

I’m still applying to jobs but I think I started applying too late. I seriously hope I get offered an interview soon. 

My right eye keeps twitching. I guess I’m tired even though I got enough sleep. However, I have four finals this week so my right eye is going to have to suck it up. I have a final tomorrow I haven’t started studying for. I have test banks so I’m being too lazy. It’s going to be a late night. 

Yesterday evening Logan was telling me about his Easter dinner with his mom’s side of the family. He said “shit kinda went down” and I immediately got nervous. After the New Year’s blunder with his dad’s side I think i’m slightly traumatized. The “shit” that went down at Easter was mostly small annoyances, but one of his cousins asked about me and her sister started bickering. The cousin asked how I was doing and Logan mentioned that I couldn’t make it to dinner because I had exams. The sister of the cousin was like “of course she can’t come she’s busy, why would she come all the way down here” and it started a fight that put both of them in a sour mood for the rest of the evening. 

I’m quite wary of Logan’s family now, mostly just his dad’s side. If course I respect them and all and I will always be well-behaved around them, but from my conversations with certain family members and what i’ve experienced with them first-hand, they’re not a group of people I would choose to spend my time with. Sometimes I think that if Logan and I get engaged, his side of the family may be hard to work with when it comes to wedding planning. Or even raising my kids without their input or judgement. I get that family is supposed to help with raising kids, but the way they fight over each other’s kids is not something I will stand for.  Maybe i’m speaking too soon. I suppose we’ll see in a decade or so.

I don’t necessarily think they’re bad people. I just don’t think they’re my type of people, and I don’t think i’m theirs. our beliefs seem quite dinstinct (regarding the adults). The cousins seem mostly fine, though they were generally pretty unwelcoming when I first met them.

i’m on the fence about sharing my journal with close friends/internet friends. I don’t want to censor what I write, and i don’t want this journal to be read by the wrong eyes, but I also don’t mind sharing my thoughts with select people. i’m trying to write my journal freely but I also keep certain people in mind as i write so as to appeal to them, or even the opposite.

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