Well, hi there. I am writing my first entry. I really wanted some kind of diary to share my world and (probably) mostly vent to anyone that will “listen”. I don’t have many people in real life to talk to and I don’t want a paper journal at home that can be discovered /read by my husband, or anyone Most of my problems revolve around this ridiculous mistake of a married life I live in. I chose to get married almost 11 years not because I was in love, but because I got knocked up (not by choice) and had what seemed to be an awesome opportunity to financially provide for my new baby. I had to move out of state and we were to take over an established (30+ years) business. I thought, I’m not leaving the state with a BOYFRIEND and I need full access to the finances because I have someone to care for besides myself. I chose to marry him. Mind you I had refused his proposal on a few occasions before this happened What was I thinking!? The in-laws backed out of the contract so we moved back to our original home town and I was stuck in an unwanted marriage. Ugh, it’s such a long story. Eventually, I imagine all the details will be here, but for now that’s plenty. I want to say stuff about another HUGE complaint/trouble I live with, but I’ll create a new entry for that.
I’m a 38 year old mother of two young boys. One which has ADHD, ODD, conduct disorder. They both have anger issues and the drama with them causes my panic attacks at times. I suffer from chronic pain, depression, and anxiety. I’m also in a loveless, miserable marriage. I want out, but find myself stuck for one reason or another. I KNOW I have options but I either refuse to do those or I’m too scared to make the jump. I have started this journal to release my stress and share my story. I’m not completely miserable ALL the time so hopefully I’ll remember to write about the good moments too!