Today is a Monday in every sense of the word. To make matters worse, it’s a Monday following a Sunday that I pretended was a Friday. I went to Cal’s yesterday after Easter dinner with my family and fully intended on watching a movie, falling asleep on the couch with him, and eventually getting dinner together and then going home at a decent time. Yeah right.
Fallon and Tanner ended up coming over and we destroyed a handle of Fireball and a couple blunts. And I don’t smoke weed. Cal’s neighbor came over and sold Tanner some dabs he apparently cooks up in his house. I woke up this morning and had to wear the same clothes to work that I wore to church with my family yesterday, except now they smell like cigarettes and I feel like I got hit by a freight train. Did I mention I teach 1st grade? This is a “shut up and color” day if I ever saw one.
Cal finally kissed me last night. Actually I think I kissed him. I really shouldn’t do that. I know I shouldn’t. I don’t want to be in a relationship with him and every guy I start this shit with falls in love with me. And I like him. Not like I want to be with him, but I respect him. He’s a good person and I don’t want to fuck him up. I know what I want in a relationship and I know when I’m not looking at it, but there’s also a strong possibly that I’m a sex addict and that always seems to guide my actions more than my intentions do.