lmao i was finally feeling better about Comparison and i was going to write encouragement to my future anxious self but i didnt do it so now im anxious and i cant remember the encouragement whoooooo. 

i had to mute them on twitter. everything about them just pisses me off. i dont know if i need to go on a break from social media or maybe even my boyfriend. i need to deal with this permanently, and whatever it is im doing to deal with it for the past three years hasnt been working. i cant help but be bitter towards him for making me like this. i never used to be like this – insecure, obsessive, paranoid. he didnt mean to do this but i cant get over it. 

i thought i was finally feeling better but its back today. im freaking sick of this. maybe i need to step away for a while from the relationship. ive been really patient with all this but maybe i need to really put myself first, even if it means isolating myself. i even considered making our relationship open, and he offered to, but i ended up declining for the time being. would it actually help if the relationship was one-sided? jade doesnt think so, but i also think she said that without knowing all the facts or understanding my position. 

a part of me doesnt want to go on a break out of what people would think. i never do anything in my relationship to please other people, but i like the fact that people see my relationship as positive and healthy. i kind of wanna keep it that way. 

i have an exam in five hours, but again i feel immobilized 🙂 so what do.


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