I Am My Own Hostage

for the average person, getting out of bed and getting ready for the day is considered a normal, worry free morning routine. but for many of us, the sound of the alarm clock contains that dreaded sound that is a constant reminder of the struggle we must face. another day, another struggle through another uncomfortable meaningless day full of stress, inconveniences, mixed emotions and aggravation. just getting into the shower takes every last ounce of energy, but at least it is an accomplishment.

traffic feels like an obstacle course and everything is moving in slow motion. the only thing you can think about all day is getting back home, behind closed doors where no one can complicate anything. oh, but the depression. it doesn’t matter where you are, you are not getting away from the depression. for me, some days are better than others.
a lot of people don’t realize how crippling it is to be clinically depressed; adding anxiety onto it all only makes every day life even more of a struggle. it causes you to feel debilitated, helpless, mentally and emotionally handicap. you can’t trust what you feel because it alters from day to day. you try to put things into perspective in your mind, but your thoughts are so scrambled and confused it makes you more frustrated and discouraged.
I know you don’t believe me, but I don’t want to live like this forever. I want to overcome this and be happy. why did you walk away? can’t you see how much I am trying?

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