Maybe.

You followed me on twitter. You were the last person I could picture following me on twitter. I was just starting to forget about you. Actually no, I wasn’t. You’re always on my god damn mind. Every event that happens you’re the first person I want to text. I miss you. I miss you more than I’ve ever missed anyone and you’re not even my boyfriend. My boyfriend doesn’t even know I have an interview next week. And it’s because it’s starting at double the hourly salary I’m making now, and well I need this job to leave him. If he found out he’d find a way to ruin it for me and I can’t let that happen. It’s the only way to feed myself from him so I can finally find myself and be independent. But I miss you. I miss those good morning texts where you’d tell me to have a good day. I miss texting you throughout the day and talking about nothing and everything all at the same time. I miss feeling like I was worth it to someone. I miss the feeling of being able to send you a Snapchat and you’d save the picture because you thought I was so beautiful. I just miss you. I miss you as a friend. I miss you as the person I confided in. You understood me like no one else did. I just want to go back to that. I wish no one at work ever found out about us. But I can’t. I can’t go back in time and Chang the past. I can only force myself to focus on the future. And I need to do it in baby steps. Better job, new place, leaving him, finding myself, focusing on myself, loving myself. I play the same scenario in my head over and over again. Bumping into you at a bar. Catching up on the time we lost. Telling you how I finally left him and how happy I’ve been. Telling you I miss you, and then starting us all over again. I know fairy tales don’t come true, but I have a plan, and it all starts with this interview next week. But god damn I cannot explain how much I miss you. I haven’t typed anything on here because I don’t even know the words to use to describe how Much I miss you. I don’t even miss you because of you, I miss you because of the amazing person you were in my life. I don’t even know, all I know is that I need you in my life. And maybe you following me on twitter was a start. Maybe. 

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