Why did you have to be taken from me.

Today…was the worst day of my life.
The picture above is Blue.
My BlueBear.
My handsome BlueBear.
He was killed today….
Farmer whose farm land neighbors around my farmstead ran him over today…6:30pm. (well…yesterday now) April 21st 2017.
He always speeds by going about 50mph.

My husband has lived on that land for 30 years and they have always owned dogs…even ones that chase cars. 3 have been hit in the past. 2 died from it and it was never witnessed. 
But today…it was.

Blue was standing on the side of the road waiting for the truck to go by because he likes to bark at the passing cars and trucks. Bark. not chase.  
He was just standing there waiting….and that fucking bastard just pulled over a little to the side and he hit him. 
Blue hit the bumper and went under the vehicle and under two of the tires.
I was inside making dinner…..but I heard it.
I heard the impact.
I saw him come out from under the vehicle as I watched from my living room window. 
That bastard….never slowed down and he never stopped. Just. Kept. GOING.
I ran outside and I booked it for Blue. He tried to get up he tried to cry, but he couldn’t…he couldn’t even move his back end.
He laid there…Just looking at us.  Pleading for us to help him….
I called my vet and he said to bring him… 
It took us a few minutes to try get him in the vehicle as he was dead weight…he couldn’t even move except his head and I am beating myself up because I feel that us moving him and trying to lift him contributed to something to make him die faster…
He live 20 some miles away from from the closest vet… 30 minute drive. Took us 15 minutes, but it wasn’t fast enough.
We pulled into the driveway for the vet office and I jumped out and opened the back doors and he was facing away from the doors. his back was broken…. his back legs were facing one way….and his front the other way.. I don’t know how he managed to make himself face a different direction while we drove.. 
I am beating myself up now… I should have turned him to face me… I should of.. He died not seeing us….not seeing me.  I pet him and talked to him…..he knew I was there….but I couldn’t get the strength or courage to turn his head.
He started to convulse when the vet went to get the cart to transport him. As soon as the vet came out he told us he was gone now…his body was just giving it’s last bit of energy.
And then he stopped moving..
My BlueBear was gone.
Nathan and the vet then pulled him out and brought him into the building. 
I stayed outside and just cried…bawled my eyes out….
Snotty crying…as I am now…as I write this.
Oh gods I am so sorry Blue….
I…I wish I was faster to getting you help…
I wish I could have saved you..
I wish you didn’t suffer.
Oh gods forgive me for not turning you to face me…I’m so sorry.. 
I love you so much…

2 thoughts on “Why did you have to be taken from me.”

  1. RIP BlueBear, he lived a good life, but we all die someday. This is a really sad story and very traumatic, I hope that you are okay and recovering from the trauma, I can only imagine how it feels. This is how vegans feel about any animal’s death, any animal’s death is tragic and unnecessary.

  2. I’m so sorry you lost your boy BlueBear. I am so sorry. I know you must be grieving very hard now, and I wish I could do something to take your pain away, but I can’t, and I just hope you can treasure BlueBear’s memories. He was a good boy, and he’ll always be there in your heart. Again, I am sorry for your loss, and I wish all the best to you and your family as you mourn him.

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