token girl.

Yesterday I went to the big volunteering event with my friend, and it was fun, but I don’t feel like talking about it here, so I’m going to continue on to another topic.



My friends JW and R have both asked me about joining their planned engineering club. They would like me to be their “historian”, which is just a pretty term for “bookkeeper”. My *job* would be to take records of every meeting and take pictures of the team. I’m not even going to be the treasurer, though, so I won’t handle anything but “records” and “notebooks for competitions”.

R then let it slip that the primary reason they asked me is that I’m the only girl they know that is not “lazy and stupid”, does not have a leadership position already but needs one, and is not otherwise involved in tech things.

And it’s important that I’m a girl because, as of right now, they do not have ANY girls in their group of 15+ boys. Any. At all. But they have to “”””” promote women in STEM “””””” so they kind of have to have one or two token girls in their group as a “”””””””” bonus””””””””””” when they compete in things.

I thought it was kind of funny, and now I’m the tiniest bit offended.

They DID tell me that it would be a leadership position, which I DO need for next year’s NHS requirements. But… UGHHHHHHH.

I almost feel like joining their group just to be the token girl would be helping them “””cheat”””” with the whole “promoting women in STEM” thing. Because they genuinely probably do not care about that part. It kind of makes me sad; I would join more happily if they had at LEAST one other girl, but… oh GOD. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT MANY DUDES AT A TIME. I’m awkward around boys (and it’s not because I’m boy-crazy so shut the fuck up)–most of the ones I communicate with turn out to be kind of annoying and immature and weird after a while.

Also, it would be even more awkward because everyone would know that I was only there to be the token girl.

BUt but but I need a leadership position next year, so…????? Idk????? Maybe I should just take the chance now???????? But then if something I would rather do turns up, I’ll kick myself for not having time for it. Oh my GOD why does this have to be so hard.

I should ask JW about the club’s plans. I mean, because I have to walk everywhere, so I can’t be going to weird places at weird times unless someone gives me a ride (which would be soooo awkward to me…)

I’m just really stressed out right now.

Oh, and I only have one more week until I take my AP Physics exam. I made a three on the practice exam, but barely… WOW I’m dead. I just want to pass. Lying. I want to get a four or above, but can that happen??? Like???? Idk??????? I just need to pass.

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