4.24.2017

things are somewhat getting better ?? i just had spring break. for the first few days i was just chilling by myself, met my mom for lunch a few times, but then…

-thursday (4/20 lmao) i hung out with a friend and went to their house for the first time (they have this super fluffy cat that’s so nice) and we just chilled and made some cookies

-my friend who kinda dropped me messaged me a few days before, so on friday we hung out and now we are friends again!! which i am very happy about 🙂

-saturday i went on a walk with yet another friend and we visited lots of nice stores and talked about things (like this tv show she showed me that we both love) and it was really fun! we went to thrift shops and i want to get into thrifting more, it’s so cool

-sunday i chilled with the first friend again but this time we played stardoll (it was really funny bc we were already on each other’s friend lists before we even knew each other) made brownies and watched episode one of the get down which is actually really good and now i want to watch more!

all this happened in a row after never hanging out with anyone basically?!?! which is so crazy i don’t know how it happened like this but ,, i’m not complaining.

also, i’m getting glasses!! i need to pick out some nice frames. another fun thing is that i have a dance field trip on my birthday (friday, i’m turning 15!) so that’s pretty cool 🙂 i also have a birthday party on sunday (with parent friends, but still…. gifts.) i might organize a last minute birthday get together with some school friends, but i don’t know.

and now that we’ve gotten all the nice stuff out of the way… let’s talk about how bad my life is 😉

-school is kind of hard for me? and i don’t know why, i feel like other people do similar things as me but they pass.. how?? i hate the grading system, i do okay on tests and quizzes, doesn’t that prove my understanding? but i failed physics last quarter, so i have to do really well this quarter if i don’t want to take another summer school class (..i already failed english..) the problem, really, is in attendance. i don’t even skip purposefully, i am just not a morning person and it is really hard for me to get out of bed. if you have too many tardies and absenses, they drop your grade down by full letter grades.. add that to missing the content and being bad at school to begin with… 

-my mother. she’s probably my biggest stressor right now. she has taken my phone, yelled at me, and made me cry so many times. the worst is when i try my hardest to hold back tears and she tells me fake crying won’t do me any good. ??? i don’t fake cry i just cry a lot especially when yelled at and i can’t help it!! i’m sorry!! she also has done things like tell me to make plans with friends and do things more, yet she takes away my phone which is my only way to communicate and make plans?? if you want me to have a social life and not be a hermit, then why would you do this.. also, she continues to believe i have adhd (though i obviously don’t, i don’t have the symptoms of it, i’m a very calm and quiet person and i don’t really like moving??) so i’m now on medication. i’m not sure what it is tbh, all i know is that it makes me less hungry which honestly,, i kinda like but also? probably not good. usually i eat lunch and/or a bunch of snacks but now?? i have not eaten anything today and it is around 7:40pm. it might not be healthy but.. maybe i’ll lose weight and get/stay skinnier

if you actually read all this then thank you!! it’s kinda a lot, basically just a life update. things seem to be going somewhat good, but now that i don’t have my phone anymore let’s just watch things fall apart again..

2 thoughts on “4.24.2017”

  1. Wow that was a lot. Honestly you sound like good person but if ur stressed bout school do something about it…make urself get up in the mornings and set goals for urself. Bout mom situation have ur tried having a calm conversation? Try it and maybe u both learn something. I look back to when i was a teenager and how i treated my mom and i feel horrible. Always nothing off, never helped, did what i wanted. Didn’t care Bout her feelings and now i honestly regret it. Just keep ur head up and try. U will b amazed at what u can do

  2. Awww, I’m sorry about all that stuff with your mom and school. Life always gets a bit stressful and hectic during this time of year before summer. Maybe you could try out some short meditation/stress release methods. But anyway, hang in there and I know you can get through it all 🙂 And happy early birthday!

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