Depression is common and manageable. So why was it so hard for me to admit to myself?
I am 33 years old, for at least another month anyway, and I only just realized that I have been struggling with depression my whole life. As many others who are uneducated on the subject I thought depression meant being sad for no reason. I am not generally a sad or a negative person, quite the opposite in fact, so it never crossed my mind that I could have depression. After a few conversations with a co-worker and some Google searching I realized that I do in fact have depression, and that my depression isn’t a result of the grief over losing my mother-in-law but that my grief was amplified because of my depression.
The first 24 hours I cried a lot because I’m a crier. For some reason, that I still haven’t figured out, admitting that I have depression was very hard to swallow. In retrospect it’s silly, it’s not like I found out I was dying and who gets depressed about being depressed?! If anything I should have been relieved to finally piece it all together.
So here we are, it has been just over five months and I seem to be managing. I no longer feel like I am so overwhelmed that I am sinking. I still have a long way to go but at least I’m making progress.