It wasn’t over

when he hit me I left. I walked out of the house, went to work. I tried having a normal day but once I got to work I saw my coworkers and broke into tears. After work I went back to the house I used to call home, I packed all my shit up and called a friends to see if I could stay with them. So a coworker picked me and my stuff up and drove me there. Things were hard. Really hard. He used to tell me he loved me. I know I loved him. I thought he loved me. But you don’t hurt the people you love right? At least not intentionally, definetly not physically. But the first week was hard for me. I was having so many mixed feelings, did I do something wrong? Could I have done something differently to prevent it? But as time went on and I talk more with my friends I realized that it didn’t have to do with me. He was wrong for doing what he did, but I was right for leaving and doing everything I could to stay safe. And being with him I didn’t feel safe. But I never thought that it would get worse like it did. A couple months later I started talking to someone new. An incredible man who made me feel beautiful.  Bobby.  But one night we went out for frozen yogurt and when Bobby dropped me off he was there. Walking around outside my house. I freaked out. Bobby sat in the car with me while I called people to ask if I could spend the night. I didn’t wanna get out of the car. I didn’t want to face him. For the first time since he hit me I was scared. No I was terrified. I was shaking and I wanted to curl up in a ball and Cry. Bobby ended up getting me a hotel room. The whole way over I was trying to figure out how to ask him to stay with me. I didn’t want to be alone. What if he came to the hotel? What if he saw me in the car and followed me? I didn’t know what to do. I knew I wasn’t thinking straight, I mean I didn’t even know Bobby well enough to spend the night with him. I was just using him as a shield right? When we got to the hotel Bobby walked into the lobby and checked us in. It got so quiet when he left the car. I hadn’t noticed the music playing until he took his phone and the Bluetooth stopped. I was left alone with silence. I was alone with my thoughts, the longer I sat there the more they screamed. The fear running through my body was overwhelming. And then Bobby walked out of the lobby towards the car. My body instantly relaxed. We went to the room, he asked if I wanted him to go. My head screamed to ask him to stay. But I said ‘you paid for the room you might as well stay’. And went to take a shower. Once we were in the room I was only thinking about Bobby. Was that wrong? 

One thought on “It wasn’t over”

  1. You were desperately afraid, and he was kind to you. It’s perfectly natural that you would have feelings for him. Let your heart rest awhile; things will sort themselves out.
    Stay safe, and God bless you!

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