Thoughts of today

I want to write something. But what should I write? I don’t know. I feel all kinds of things, but nothing specific and deep enough to write about. I have been having this urge to write something, anything at all for days. But, havent gotten to do it. Mostly because theres is nothing to say. So instead, I’m currenly writing about how I dont have anything to write.

There have been like summers, and times of life where I just dont want to do anything but to sit inside and watch netflix, play games etc. Be very introverted and lazy I guess. Days, weeks and months that I’ve only been wanting to be all by myself. Enjoying my own company. Thought something has changed. I feel I want to go out all the time now. Even If its alittle cold, lets go out anyways. And we dont HAVE to go out. I just want to have something to do. I can have a friend over. I don’t want to watch another movie all by myself, only if im with friends. Why? I don’t know why its suddenly like this. I guess its a good thing though. By being like this I’ll probably get to bond more with people, and actually go do something with my life. Whenever I go out, I ofcourse take my camera with me. 

May is coming up too. I like may, but I also hate may. Alot happens in may, every day is important. Sometimes theres a holy day, or a national day, trips with the school. But most importantly. Its the time for exams and stuff. Actually this will be my firs exams ever. I’m nervous as hell. I want to just skip May, and go straight to June, thats when the real fun starts. When summer break starts. Theres this thing called “VG-lista” thats in June every year. Its scandinavias biggest concert, free! My parents have been taking me there to listen to music since I was like under 10 years old. This year I’ll be going with friends. Hopefully, If they have the time. Also theres this cosplay thing right after that. I’m thinking of going there with some friends, but I’m not sure yet since its far away and right after that concert thing. This summer I think me and my family are going on a cruise ship tour to Germany. Not sure yet, but I do know: that if we are going, then my bestfriend is coming with ut: That means, it will be the first time me and my bestfriend goes out of the country together. And then theres also this festival in the big city. Lana Del Rey will be preforming there, so I really hope I’ll get to drag my bestfriend along with me: I have to goo!

Also that guy that i USED to like. I think this guy must be more complicated than I am. Last friday I asked him, if he likes somebody else. Because then It would make more sence why he decided I wasn’t good enough. He said yes. Things actually got easier for me when I found that out. He likes somebody else, understandable. I cannot force him to like me. And well I thought about how it would be if I was in his situation. Not nice to lead a girl on. So I moved on. I didnt lose every single bit of my crush on him, but I sure stopped trying so damn hard. I figured its not worth it, lets be friends. We didnt talk much after that. I guess he is either bad at holding the contact or just doesnt want to be friends either. But then after taking a nap today, being lazy as hell: I got a random message: “I lied”. Came out of the blue, I didn’t know what he was going to say. But then he kept texting: “I don’t like any other girl”. Why is he telling me this? He has made it pretty clear that he doesnt have any feelings for me, so why is he randomly telling me this now? Sure, if you lied and want to get it off your shoulders. But its not that bad.. maybe its just better if he kept me thinking he likes somebody else. What good does it have? Telling me that he doesnt like anyone else. I’m still not going to try again, he made it clear. I’m keeping my distance. Now exacly, what is he doing? Why is he telling me this so suddenly out of the blue? 

It’s my close friend’s birthday tomorrow. I went to the mall today to see if I could find her a birthday present. But then anxiety just ended up kicking in. My headset had been stolen, so I didn’t have anything to listen to music through. I walked really damn fast around the mall, and felt very awkward in the small stores. I figured this isnt working, and I should go home before I end up getting an anxiety attack and hiding in the WC. So, I dont have a birthday present for her tomorrow. Looks like I’ll have to figure out something fast now last second. Shes really important to me, so I need to FIGURE SOMETHING OUT FAST

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