the truth is… when you love someone, it isn’t always going to be smiles, kisses, and sunshine. real love is messy and painful, but hauntingly beautiful. all I really know is that, when you are in love, you will feel out of your mind after trying to be logical for so long; you’ll realize that you cannot rationalize this one particular feeling. you’ll want to be a better person for them, and you’ll replay every mistake and over-think every single flaw you have because you’re clawing at anything and everything that will make that someone love you again. you’ll scold yourself for not holding them tighter, or kissing them more when you actually had the opportunity. you’ll find yourself researching the possibility of time travel and be disappointed that science has yet to figure it out. hell, you’ll walk through stores, town, your life in a daze because when you’re in love, you realize that something is always missing when you’re not with that person.
you’ll have to resist the urge to text them every single time something makes you laugh, and every time something makes you sad. you’ll have to remind yourself that maybe they’re already laughing at something funnier, or maybe they are already crying at something so sad. you’ll probably cringe when your friends bring up their name, but silently hope they’ll say it again because their name is the most beautiful sound you have ever heard.
when you’re in love, and it hurts, you’ll find that it is hard to eat or even sleep at times. you’ll find that it is hard to focus on anything but the hope that things could one day be different. you’ll punish yourself for knowing that this isn’t healthy, that this intense feeling of selflessness is not conductive to making yourself happy.
when you love someone, you’ll find yourself crying when you stumble across memories. whether it is in a picture, a song. memories always have a way of being perfectly recalled during times when you wish you could bury them so deep they are being dissolved by the center of the earth.
you’ll be willing to wait months, maybe even years for them to come back to you in the way that you achingly hope that they do. you’ll be willing to be in their life in any stupid capacity that you can, even if it’s only on the sidelines. because… you’re in love, and it doesn’t matter that they love you back. it doesn’t matter if they’re happily in the arms of someone else. when you love someone, you’re willing to be in pain just to know that they’re falling asleep with a smile on their face.