Yellow light

The month of April has been hard. There hasn’t been a break.

 

Losing someone who has been my forever. Full-time raising someone who looks to me as their forever, working almost 40 hours a week, being an adult…

While life has been happening and doesn’t stop for even a moment for us to catch a break, I think we forget the important things. While we are here focusing on bills, work, getting the house clean, and finding time to sleep…we forget to SLOW DOWN!!
Jacob’s grandmother, Sandy, passed away. It actually happened yesterday but we found out this morning. Jacob hasn’t lost anyone since his dad when he was younger, this was his first adult-life loss. Although he thought he knew how to grieve, I don’t think he knows. He doesn’t deal well with death and just two weeks ago he says he doesn’t deal with it like a “normal” person and he looks at it as a positive. He learned this morning that he deals just like others. The look he had was pure shock and then tears. My heart just ached for him. I wanted to cradle him like a newborn and protect his heart, tell him that it’s okay. But it’s not okay. And it stings like hell!
His family feels guilty for not getting over to see her more. They thought they had more time, we all think that. There’s ALWAYS tomorrow or next week, or next month. There’s always time. There’s just not. 
Nothing is certain. 

So PLEASE, please, remember to SLOW DOWN.
Take time to visit friends, take time to pick up the phone, take time to step away from technology and spend time with your family. 
Slow down and remember to listen and take pictures with your mind, not just your phones. Make memories that you can talk about long after a loved one passes. 
Be there even when you don’t know how to be. 
Take time to see your kids, grandparents, parents, friends, friends friends…
Remember to LIVE. 

It’s so hard to remember to do these things. 

Hold your loved ones a second longer. Say “I love you” often and mean it with your whole being. 

Remember so you won’t regret. 

It really does take losing someone to realize that you’re just moving too fast and not taking the time you wished you would have. 

It’ll never be easier, but it’s easier to not live with a heavy boulder on your shoulder of the “I should have been there” 

I’m so incredibly sad for Jacob. I will be here for him, even if no words need to be said, I will be here to be here. 

I will remind myself to slow down. 

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