Yesterday I stayed an extra fifty minutes after school trying to finish correcting that stupid, cursed group program.
My teacher helped me fix everything that was wrong with it, but since it was so overdue by that point (it was supposed to be by the end of the period last Thursday), she only gave us fifty points for the whole damn thing. I don’t blame her, really, because it was a total of four days late, but it hurts my soul because the grade has made my class average drop down to a 62.5. Which is a D. Which is failing. And the three weeks period ends next Monday, so the grade is going to go on my interim progress report. FUCK that shit.
I fucking hate group projects of any kind. I hate them. I hate working with other people on single projects. I fucking hate it so fucking much.
It’s embarrassing. I’m ashamed of myself. I only have a 78 in physics (because of the quiz grades that we haven’t finished correcting), and now this. Fuck my life. I feel like crying because I don’t know what to do.
I’m literally such a failing piece of shit. I can’t even get all A’s this semester, are you kidding me? I’m probably going to make a B in physics, which is so fucking stupid and unacceptable. My sister made all A’s… I’m stupid. I’m just stupid. I’m so stupid. I hate myself because I’m so stupid and useless and really, just, really.
I’m not taking enough AP classes. I don’t have enough extracurriculars. I can’t drive. I can’t swim. I’m not the best at anything. I’m not funny. I’m not pretty. I’m not even particularly nice to be around. I’m not… I’m not good enough at anything.
I’m taking the physics test next week… I want to die.
(I just had to pause in my thoughts because our neighbors were screaming bloody murder. There’s a crazy family that either lives in the next building, or just comes here regularly… And when I say they’re crazy, I mean they’re absolutely batshit. We hear them screaming all the damn time. Sometimes it’s the wife/mother shrieking, sometimes it’s the son. Just now, it was the son. The son was screeching like a banshee in Chinese; we couldn’t even understand what he was saying. It was fucking horrible to hear. The guy who lives on their building’s first floor eventually called the cops. Now there are two cop cars outside, for some reason. I wouldn’t think two would be necessary, but…)
I am tired. I want to stop thinking about how shitty and stupid a person I am. It’s too much, really it is. It feels ridiculous to keep thinking about it, but I still do… I hate myself all the time.
And to think I had been so happy earlier in the day. I was so happy just laughing myself sick with people I know. Now I’m upset. I just really hate myself.
The only hope lies in the fact that if I get an 87 or above average for programming by the end of the six weeks, I can get a semester average of 95, which is an A+.
I’m sad, still sad, always sad. I hope I feel better soon. I just want the stress to stop.