Broken

I never thought life would continuously slap me in the face. It seems no matter how much I try there is always someone or something trying to break me. I don’t know if I’m wrong 100% of the time, or if I’m going crazy, but what I do know is that I’m a hair pin away from being broken.

At home, living with this man that is supposed to love me and support me is like the equivalent to having a bi-polar parent with Alzheimer’s disease. It’s like playing hopscotch in a mine field. It started off good but as the years go by, I feel like I’m in a constant silent but deadly battle. 

We don’t really argue much, because I prefer not to have a household full of yelling, but it turns the house into a quiet warzone. We spend most of the day avoiding each other. Silently leaving the room when the other spouse walks in. We go about our everyday life like nothing is wrong when we both know we’re on the brink of divorce. Then there’s the times when the kids are at school..it turns into an all out right battle field. He says whatever he can to make me believe he’s right….I say whatever I can to make him feel wrong…we battle it out til the children come home….then back to the silience.  

I’m not sure how much more I can take. I struggle everyday with the fact that I’m tired of living in constant emotional pain, pretending like I’m happy just so my family won’t worry about me but on the inside. ..I feel a hair pin away from breaking and just giving in to my heart’s desire.

One thought on “Broken”

  1. “We spend most of the day avoiding each other. Silently leaving the room when the other spouse walks in. We go about our everyday life like nothing is wrong”…

    I’m sorry you are in this predicament because I know it well myself. Only problem is he doesn’t seem to know we are on the brink of anything. As long as he’s not on the brink all is well in his world, but I’m on the brink and he is so checked out he seems to not notice that either. Alzheimer’s and bi-polar would be funny if not so sad, painful and pathetic.

    “I struggle everyday with the fact that I’m tired of living in constant emotional pain”…
    It’s no way to live. I fear I waited too long. Looking back at my sad, wasted younger years still hoping against hope, too scared to do what I knew needed doing. I regret not leaving then because here I am still terribly, horribly, sadly not gladly.

    Please take care of yourself and children. Only you can know the depth of your situation. If there is any way possible to make it better, if he is willing to go to counseling and try, it may help. I believe marriages are always worth trying to save. Maybe you have done that and/or unwilling to even invest that at this point but I understand and have compassion. God bless you.

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