We’re On A Break

Finals are over. I moved back to sauga. I kept getting pissed at logan for small things which made me get pissed at all the regular relationship issues we have. He ignores me or has no idea what to say or do when I confide my feelings in him. So we decided to go on a break.

We had just celebrated our 3 year anniversary this week. Today started off well. We were perfectly normal even though we had an argument before bed last night, and we didn’t know whether to have a talk today or talk when he comes back from his cruise. We decided to wait till after the cruise.

That didn’t happen though. At the hair salon he posted an ugly video of me without me knowing, which was up for 45 minutes before he told me. I saw who had watched his story, which included Comparison. I noticed lately that they don’t watch my story, but apparently right when logan uploaded one they watched. That ticked me off. What’s the point of tryingb so hard to like them, going as far as buying them Christmas gifts, when they cant even be bothered to watch my story. I tried to hold it in and be normal but he kept asking what was wrong so i told him in the car. How his stepmom cant be bothered to get me anything for Christmas that isnt shitty. How his dad treats me so rudely and Logan doesnt do shit about it. How hos cousins never say hi to me. Matthew didnt even thank me when I got him a Christmas gift, which goes to show he only talks to me when he needs emotional support. Why doesnt logan ever do anything about it? He only ever apologizes, but never steps up to the plate when the time comes. I cant control his family but I can at least have the comfort of having my boyfriend already leaping to defend me before i have to fish for him to. So we’re on a break. It’s supposed to last until we both feel it’s over. He wants me to heal, I want him to see whether or not he can actually do things. 

I’m not sure if I can heal. What i do know is that I miss him. But i also dont want to go back to him just for me to get hurt again. Maybe i need a really long break, maybe to the point where we break up and just try again later after we grow as our own people for a while.

I dont know. I want this to work. I just dont know how to get over all this jealousy. I never used to be like this. I dont like who I am when i feel that way.

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