late night post but damn today was full of wtf moments. first of all, im tired as fuck because im freaking the fuck out and having emotional meltdowns every 3 hours. not because someone in my family died, nothing like that, im not a depressive schitzo either, but because im having finals and everything is going by SOOOOO FAST. HELP ME! 🙁 im freaking the fuck out. today i woke up at 6 am just to do homework. its serious as fuck in here.
however, by 3pm i was 75% done with my homework for my classes for the week so i took up the amish guys offer to go out for late lunch. mostly because i was starving!!! we picked up lunch and headed to the campus mirror pools and just hung out for a bit.
because today, this entire fucking week has been taxing. ive been an emotional and mental wreck on and off for the past week. which might explain why i did something stupid today. i told the amish guy i didnt think us hanging out or talking or dating was going anywhere, so i said it was probably best to not waste each others time and just wish each other good luck and end it. i could tell he was crushed. 🙁 but i really just cant fucking deal right now and i feel like its better to end it before i REALLY REALLY fall for him. i mean, i like him alot already. but this shit is kind of happening way too fast. first, it hasnt been that long since matt broke up with me. which, i wasnt devestated, i had wanted to break up with him for a long time, but its still a moment out of respect for the relationship where you really shouldnt date. then emerson’s bullshit. and now amish dude. i just feel scared. i know this guy and i are going our seperate ways. i dont want to hang out with him all summer, and for us to have the best time ever, just for it end and we go our seperate ways. and i DO NOT want a long distance relationship those never ever work. its all bullshit.
well anyways, when i told the amish guy he was crushed, judging by the look on his face. and he was silent for a bit, then he asked me why i felt this way. i didnt go into detail about it but i did say i just felt it was better for us to not continue hanging out. and he remained silent and stern with a hint of sad. he told me that really enjoyed hanging out with me, but if thats the way i felt better to respect my wishes. at this moment i felt regret, but i didnt want to be so indecisive.