I don’t know how to start, I’m not good at cliche intros so I’ll just write what I feel like, no filters, no specific order, just random clusters of words, I’ll try to map the thoughts in my mind to here.
I’m writing this when I’m almost at the end of my college life, and when looking back to my college life I can’t help but have regrets over everything I didn’t do. I did do some embarrassing stuff but I only have regrets when I’ve been negative. I remember all the chances I had to make friends, all the invites to go out and I remember feeling like I didn’t want to get too close to anyone so I made up excuses every time so as not to go. I didn’t think that at the last year just 2 months away from graduation I would feel this lonely…
it’s weird ’cause I managed alone so far and I didn’t feel regret then but now…I just don’t know it seems that by the time I’d decided I want a friend that everyone had already found their group. It didn’t help that I am camera shy and everyone wants to take photos together, it makes you the odd one really…it makes you find a website to write your journal in when you’re not that kind of person and you’re already feeling awkward writing in it -____-
Everything feels like chaos, but it sort of makes sense in a way, when you’re young it’s supposed to be chaotic but at the same time it’s boring. I take pride in being too wise for my age but sometimes I feel like I’m so old and done and I want to leave this life soon ’cause everything however bright and beautiful feels…like nothing.
Even writing this journal doesn’t feel that interesting, I’m judging myself somewhere in my subconscious telling myself that I shouldn’t write, I’m not that good at writing, what if I’m making grammar mistakes what if I’m not making sense but still who is going to see this, no one who knows me, so I’m actually good. I’ll consider this my personal
yeah that’s it that’s all I have in mind now.