May 1, 2017

Another low, another night I’ll probably cry myself to sleep. When will it end? This endless sadness. These pounding headaches that accompany my misery. I’ve toed the edge of giving up so many times that I wonder if I’m stuck in some sort of purgatory hell where I am too scared to let go but too gone to hold on. So many people come and go in my life I find it hard to reach out to them and tell them I need them. Don’t leave me, please. Another friend I feel I’ve lost. He won’t know the part of me he tore away. The numbness I now feel having lost another person I trusted and needed. I want to scream and cry but instead I sit here with a painful lump in my throat holding back the tears. I don’t want anyone to hear them anymore because they don’t understand. I just need someone to stay and listen, please. Don’t leave me, please.

3 thoughts on “May 1, 2017”

  1. I just got done pouring my heart into this exact feeling. The complete isolation is devastating, and the desire to jump feels shameful and dirty. It’s a desperate feeling. I’m in this hell with you.

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